Friday, September 27, 2013

Enola's favorite moments

Copenhagen, August 1997...
Need I say more?

I am sorry about the poor quality of the videos and for this post not being on Neverland Ranch, but it is Friday and Michael looks so energetic, so I thought... Hey, let's have a party!

Scream / They Don't Care About Us / In The Closet
(Just to get us started... Oh, here he comes! Squeeeeee!)

Blood On the Dance Floor

Stranger In Moscow

Billie Jean

Earth Song


The Old Songs The Old-fashioned Way :)

Smooth Criminal


  1. Lord... have mercy...INDEED:) Stranger in Moscow did it for me:)I have never seen this, and You have just made this stay at home Mama's day:) After seeing Michael's Love come shining through, and his energy level, and playfulness...I am now inspired to get my housework done:) I can't watch him without him bringing a smile to my heart:) Sometimes Michael has been portrayed as a meek, mild manchild...but I see an unbridled passion inside this very "grown up boy" that is just waiting for his moment to "pounce" on a playful panther...yet... with a flavor for danger. How fun to see him this way...that there is a whole other side to him...a side that is a force to be reckoned with. I haven't gotten through all of the footage here yet...for one thing...MY HEART CAN'T TAKE IT! And....I just want to keep a part of him to savor, because he is so very precious to my heart. Just to know that I can see him like this...doing what he loves to do....anytime I miss a tremendous gift, and it feels like he is still very much among us, and it's a harsh reality when we realize that physically we will never see him here again, so each precious piece of footage is a timeless treasure of him... and once have given me that treasure. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, and I thank God for you:)

    1. Well, well well... I always knew the force had a lot of power, but that it would make someone feel inspired to get their housework done is new to me! Maybe I should try it sometime. :)

      Michael had many sides to him and each and everyone of them made him what he was - and is: Unique.

      There is so much footage to be found on the Internet. Sometimes you just have to do a little digging to unearth a treasure trove of magic moments.
      The videos I have posted here are very special to me. I had the great fortune to see Michael in concert in Copenhagen in August 1997 - which is where and when these videos were shot. I am not sure if they are from the show that I saw or the one two weeks earlier, but it doesn't really matter either. The videos represent my sweetest memory, my most golden moment... In more than one way. *smiles*

      Thank you for coming here and for speading Michael's love and light in your fantastic comments.

    2. Yes...He inspires me to be a better me every so many ways..and encourages me to believe in myself, and Keep the Faith no matter what comes down the road:)

      So you got to see him perform in person? I can't begin to imagine what that was like. What a gift, all wrapped up in gold... and I mean that in the purest sense of the word. The very first time I saw him perform live, was on a dvd that was filmed in Bucharest. I had never seen him this way before, and when I saw all his gyrations, my jaw dropped, because my children, were in the room with me. I had NO IDEA what was coming. I thought to myself..."What in the world is this man DOING???" It made me blush and I will have to heart skipped a beat or two. After that, we got the internet because my children were required to have it for their assignments at school. Well now....this opened up a WHOLE NEW WORLD, for this stay at home Mom. My husband...who is my rock, and who I love dearly... and I farm and have a beautiful piece of land, all snuggled up back in the woods. It is God's good country, and I love it, so am not much of a city girl, but the Internet brought the world into my home, and with it...came Michael:) I began to research this man and discovered his love for his music, and his love for God, and I found that the media made him out to be someone he wasn't at all. Within this man lies a heart of gold, and a love for mankind that has to be placed there by the Lord, because a human does not have the capacity to love others the way Michael did, and still does. As I came to learn more about him, he became more precious to me, and I fell in love with what he stood for. One day I came across a interview done by Oprah with Michael at Neverland, and I was thrilled. There he was right there in front of me, in living color.I know we don't usually refer to men as being beautiful, but Michael IS, and I think it is the love inside his heart that shines through and reaches out to us and touches our hearts, and leaves us "reeling". Oprah got right down to it and asked him why he grabbed his crotch! His reaction was sweet, and cute, and it was clear that she embarrassed him... and after he repeated her question..."why do I grab my crotch?", he explained that when he is dancing, he becomes the music and the energy flows through him and he becomes the driving beat, and he said it just happens..."BAM!!!" ...and he showed her the grab. He said he never plans to do that, and many times he will review the footage and be surprised that he did.:) And you know what? I believe him. No matter how much "NOISE" surrounds his name, I believe in him. My husband, however, does not understand him the way I do, so out of respect for him, I appreciate Michael all alone. This is why it is such a blessing for me to find you... because you understand and appreciate Michael, too, and you give me a place to share my heart:) It is SO good to talk with you. I feel like I have found a new friend, when it comes to Michael, and I pray God's richest blessings on you today:)

    3. Seeing him perform was absolutely fantastic, but it was not until he passed away that I really understood what I had witnessed and taken part in - and how blessed and lucky I was to have been a part of it in the first place. Michael had and still has so many fans – in fact, I believe his fan base is growing everyday – but only a minority actually got to see him perform, much less sing “Happy Birthday” to him the way I and 50.000 other fans did that day in August 1997. Yes, I went to see his show on his 39th birthday and I do believe we made him feel special and very, very embarrassed. I always smile when I think of it.
      There is plenty of footage on the internet of this special moment on the History Tour. Just Google “Michael Jackson birthday Copenhagen 1997” and you will see. The footage from that day is part of his private home movies, which you can find here on my blog as well:

      Michael and I go a long way back. Thirty years to be exact and the other day when I rode my bike home from work, (I live in a small town in Denmark and my bike is my favorite means of transportation) I started thinking about how much my “relationship” with Michael has changed over the years.
      I still remember vividly the first time I saw him. I was around 12 and went to visit a friend of mine, because she wanted to show me something. It turned out to be a poster of the Jackson 5 and I remember how she praised Jermaine and how I wasn’t listening to her at all. I had spotted someone else. Yes… Michael.
      There was just something indefinable about him that attracted me. And let’s face it, he was handsome too. :)
      As the years went on, I turned into a fan, covered my bedroom walls with posters and fought endless verbal battles with my mother, who didn’t like him at all.
      I remember blushing and feeling terribly embarrassed when they showed “The Way You Make Me Feel” on MTV and both of my parents were watching… Some of his moves in that video are more than just suggestive. (But as you say, it wasn’t something he did on purpose, it just happened. I think he was in a different place when performing… “In the zone” – that is the way I like to describe it.)
      My late grandmother was open-minded and a very warmhearted woman and she quickly decided that what my parents wouldn’t allow me to have she would make sure that I got anyway. This is how I got my beloved Michael bed linen, which I still treasure today some 25 years later.
      I also remember spending hours just staring at his eyes, trying to figure out what they were telling me and why. There was something in them, something that didn’t add up…
      However, it was not until I was a grown woman that I finally got it and understood that Michael was hurting and lonely, something I never even considered when I was young and apparently unable to see beyond the glitter and superstardom.
      And then I slowly but surely stopped being a fan and started to see myself as something else.
      I became his friend. And I cried with him and smiled with him through his ups and downs, I leaned from him, found inspiration, hope and consolation in him… Just as if he was my friend too. And I still feel this way today. It doesn’t matter that he is gone. The well of hope, love and inspiration has not dried out. I don’t think it ever will.
      I like drinking from it.
      I know it has made me a better person and for that I am eternally grateful.
      It has also opened up the world to me, allowing me to meet wonderful people - just like you - from all over the world, who love Michael and understand his message of love, kindness and compassion. To me, this is perhaps his most unique legacy: To unite people with love.
      What a wonderful man.

      Have a blessed day, my friend.

    4. Thank you for opening your heart and sharing your story. I didn't meet Michael until he passed, but the day of his memorial, I felt a strange pull to watch it. And I sat there through tears and watched the whole thing, and realized that not only was he an amazing musical genius, but he was a human being, with a family that he loved adored, and they loved and adored him..and they had lost the "love of their life." That was the day I met him and I will never forget how he reached out and touched my heart. I had lost track of Michael and remember seeing his Pepsi commercial on t.v. and thinking..."Wow...Michael grew up, and he is a doll":) I traveled and sang Gospel Music for 10 years on the road...wasn't famous or anything like that...I just shared the Love of God through song. I wrote my first song when I was 15 years old, and many came after that. I met my husband when I was 22, at a Sweetheart banquet that I sang for, and came in off the road when we got married. We started a family and I was busy raising my babies, so I didn't even know where Michael was until I saw him on the news in 2005 and saw him going through the trial. Even then...when everyone around me was calling him a monster...there was this attraction I felt toward him...this pull at my heart.I did NOT see a monster...I saw a beautiful man with pain in his eyes. Then one day my son came home from camp and announced to me that Michael Jackson had died. I was shocked, and I asked what did he die from? And my son said that they were calling it a heart attack. I asked how old he was, and my son told me he was 50. I wondered when THAT happened. To me...he was still this gorgeous kid, even though he was older than me, who did the moonwalk and thriller. As the weeks went by...I realized that I was grieving him, like he was my very much so that I dropped 25 pounds. People were asking me what I was doing to myself, and I told them I honestly didn't know....what was I going to say? "Oh...I'm grieving Michael Jackson because I love his should try it, it's a great weight loss program." No...I grieved in silence, and thought that I was losing my mind. I remember walking down our road and crying out to God and crying out to Michael, to please help me make some sense out of this. And the Lord began to show me, after much research on Michael's behalf, that he had chose to work through Michael Jackson, the least expected source, to "wake me up" in my relationship with HIM. We have a God that is so creative, and He KNEW that there was something in me, that would listen to Michael, and turn a heart that was closed off, because I had built walls around it to protect me from ever getting hurt and being vulnerable again. I was just going through the motions, but God took my heart and made it tender again, removing the "scar tissue" from a broken heart, and laid it bare before him. I have cried more in these past 4 plus years, since Michael left us in a physical sense, viewing Michael and discovering who he really is, than I have cried in years. It's a good thing that tears are a language God understands:) His song "You are not alone" has touched my heart so many times...what a beautiful message, because we ARE never alone...God is always there with us, and I believe with my whole heart, that Michael is closer than we think:)

      Thank you for your beautiful words...a wonderful gift you have...and it is such a blessing to call you my friend:)

    5. It doesn’t matter when we meet Michael. All that matters is that we do so with an open heart. Then he will embrace us just as we embrace him – and start working his magic on his.

      I too have a few crosses to bear - I believe we all do - but as long as we don’t let the weight bring us down and keep put eyes fixed on the horizon, we’re going to be okay.
      Some say it is God’s way of testing us – and perhaps it is – but to me, it is mostly just the hard facts of life. Mere circumstances, if you like… Chance…
      I had a very religious upbringing, but took a step back from it all when I was in my twenties. I needed to stop and think. Find my own place in life, my own interpretation... Today I still live largely by Christian values, but I am not religious in any way. Am I an atheist? I don’t know. I would have said yes in a heartbeat five years ago, but then Michael died and… It is hard to explain. But it was like something happened inside of me that opened up my heart to the possibility that there is more to life than just…life. Maybe “spiritual” is the most fitting description of what I am. Still, no matter what I call myself there is no denying that Michael has made sure there are certain things that I cannot explain or deny any more. Is God working through him? I don’t know. It depends on what you believe in, but if this is the truth to you, then hang on to that truth and draw strength from it. I am not quite there yet, but I am not in a position to deny it either… Not anymore. I don’t want to either.
      No matter what, I know we can both agree that Michael does open doors in our hearts and minds that have hitherto been closed. I also know that my life has become richer because of this, and that I find my crosses much easier to bear. Even when they are heavy, Michael set a great example and gives me the courage to get up and keep walking.

      The trial was horrible. Everybody around me found him guilty from the start. There was so much ridicule, so much evil… No one believed he was innocent but me it seemed… It was a living nightmare to be a fan, but obviously so much worse to be Michael Jackson. That trial was the beginning of the end for him.

      The memorial at Stables Center was even worse… I cried through it all and felt so, so bad for the children. Paris broke my heart, when she spoke of her daddy. (My daughter is the same age, so I can easily relate to Paris.) And poor little Blanket, clutching a Michael Jackson doll in his hands with a confused and slightly lost expression in his eyes… I wanted so badly to lift that little man up and hug him.

      I still miss Michael terribly. I feel as if I have lost a loved family member.
      When I think about it rationally, it does not make sense. He was not part of my family. I have never met him.
      He didn’t know I existed.
      And yet, I grieve.
      To me, this is a testament to the great impact he had on us. He really got under our skin, touched our hearts…

      Love truly is a wonderful thing.
      And Michael was exactly that - LOVE.

    6. It doesn't surprise me that we can both testify to how much Michael has touched our lives. We have never met each other... yet, somehow...Michael's Love has brought us together. His message rings sweet and clear through the lyrics and music of his songs...a message of hope and love for each other and all mankind.

      Yes...exactly...that's feel as if you have lost a loved family member...I felt this way, too, and I was blown away when I first learned that there are people all over the world that felt this way when Michael passed. It was so intense that it threatened to take us with him...and somehow.. to people like you and people like me, who never met him... he has become a treasured friend...that's exactly how it feels. I miss him, too, and I ask myself..."How can I miss someone so much that I never met?" I don't know the answer to that question...there are many things I can't explain when it comes to Michael.I just know how much I miss him. There is something that happened throughout the whole world when Michael passed. It's like a part of him flew into all of our hearts, and took up residence there, and it is his love that makes us feel the way we do:) Yes...he didn't know that either one of us existed... yet somehow it feels like he does:) The grief has taken many turns for me. It isn't something we "get over"'s something we go through", and for each person, individually, that process is different. There is no time table for when we should cease to feel the pain of his loss, many times...I still feel him here...His love, His Strength, His encouragement to never give up and always believe in myself. I guess that is why it doesn't feel like he is gone to me...because his legacy of love will always remain...right here in my heart:)
      Have a good week, and God bless you:)

    7. "There is something that happened throughout the whole world when Michael passed. It's like a part of him flew into all of our hearts, and took up residence there, and it is his love that makes us feel the way we do."

      What a beautiful description!
      I don't feel as if he is gone either - and your quote just explans it wonderfully. It does not feel as if he is gone because he lives on in each and everyone of us.

      Have a wonderful week too, sweetie and thank you so much for your insightful and inspirational comments.

      Lots of love


    8. Thank you for your kind words:) I have been praying for a friend ,that I can talk to,who loves and appreciates Michael as much as I do. I am SO thankful for you:)Because of Michael and his love, I have a new friend:) He sang,"Come together, right now, over me":) He is always on time:)

      God bless and keep you as you share how Michael has touched and inspired your heart. LOVE IT:)

      It is me...T:)

    9. I know it is you, T.
      You leave heart shaped footprints.

      I am really happy you came this way in your search of Michael.
      Let's try to find him together, shall we?

      Lots of love


    10. Yes...I am ready for the Journey:)

      Have yourself a wonderful day, and keep the faith, no matter what comes your way:)

      Your friend...


  2. Just watched "Earth song"....HEARTWRENCHING... the look on his face and the pain in his eyes as he stands in front of that tank, and lovingly acknowledges the child who brings a peace offering to the soldier... The way he forgives him and shows him love.If Michael could go to every corner of the world with his message and share his love...why can't we have peace today? Why can't the hate cease, and love take it's place?

    The Old songs...The old fashioned way.... Oh my....Is he not the most beautiful thing you have ever seen in your life? I really mean that, from a pure place in my heart.It isn't just his outward appearance that pulls on my heart when I look at is deeper than that...look with me into his eyes...THOSE can see his heart through his eyes... It's what resides deep inside of him... that seeps through and radiates outward... from his heart...LOVE...PURE, LOVE. It is so sweet the way the crowd "loves on him" and overwhelms him for a time...until he is speechless and has no choice but to just stand there and bask in it:) His Smile right's so sweet, and genuine,and portrays the happiness he feels inside at this moment, as he tells them he loves them most...I can't help but smile at him. because when you really care about someone, you want only the very best for them,and it is SO good to see him like this, considering the torment that he went through. As he bows down to the ground during I'll be there, This man is brokenhearted, as he feels the weight of his fame closing in around him...things we have no idea of that he is dealing with at that moment...touching his heart. I just want to go to him, bend down, put my arms around him and let him cry for a while, and get it out...and show him HOW MUCH HE IS LOVED. Isn't that what we all need? To know that as we walk through this world, someone loves us? Someone cares? But in our society today, the love of so many has grown cold, and hearts have become like stone...unfeeling...not caring, and having no respect for life, shocking us with what that disrespect is capable of doing. It makes me really think about what I can do... to help Michael Heal the world, It starts with who I see looking back at me in the mirror:) That is the first place that Michael challenges each of us to start..."No message could have been any clearer...if you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself... and then make that change." He's right...I CAN make a difference in someone's life today..even if it's a small gesture...Thank you Michael for reminding me:) "To the world you might me one person...but to one person, you may be the world.":)



    1. Earth Song is one of my all-time favorites. Some say that they find it too whiny and I guess you can always discuss taste, but to me this song is anything but whiny. To me this song is Michael speaking from his heart.
      He really means what he sings. His concern is real. As is his compassion for all things living and breathing.
      This is his signature song, if you ask me. This is what he was all about.
      I get goose bumps whenever I listen to it. There’s a sense of importance… As if the song demands you to listen carefully to its message.
      I always cringe inside when I see the soldier pointing his rifle at Michael’s chest. This imagery is just so wrong. So very wrong. Michael is a man of peace. (Which is probably the reason why I feel like crying when Michael makes the soldier lower his rifle. It is a quiet but very powerful message.)
      I love the old songs too. He always looks so young and vibrant when he performs them and although his arms and legs are considerably longer than they were when he was a child, he really nails the dance moves. Very impressive.
      The eyes…
      Oh, no… Don’t get me started on his eyes. There’s a whole universe of untold stories in there.
      Seriously, I could go on about them forever.
      But I will say this: Michael was a very honest man. What he did not say out loud, his eyes gave away and I sometimes think that wearing sunglasses was not just for his own protection and privacy, but also to protect the people he was with. He did not like breaking hearts and letting people down – but you and I both know that he wasn’t always happy or comfortable when around other people. So, perhaps he thought, if they can’t see what’s going on inside of me, then they’ll be happy – and so will I.
      Yes, we can make a change. It doesn’t have to be a revolution, just a small change starting with ourselves. I mean, if we all take just a little step forward, it will be a huge leap on a global scale, right?
      I would love to see it happen. And – perhaps naïvely – I believe it will. I just doubt that it is going to be in my lifetime, but that doesn’t mean we should just give up and say that it is useless to try.
      Everything counts - even a simple smile at a perfect stranger.

      "To the world you might me one person...but to one person, you may be the world."

      This is so beautiful and so true - and even more so, when you realize that Michael was and is the world to millions of people.

      Lots of love


    2. Thank you for letting me see Michael through your eyes... because I never thought about it like that..."What he did not say out loud, his eyes gave away, and I sometimes think that wearing sunglasses was not just for his own protection and privacy, but also to protect the people he was with." I love this. It makes perfect sense. He had to have some place to go to... within his own heart, for a refuge...a hiding place...a place where no one else could get in. I understand this, because sometimes I need to find "that place" as well. I need to crawl up in his lap, and feel him put his arms around me...making the world go away...for just a little while. This morning I was so aware of him...I felt him so near my God was sending him to me with a hug...sweet:)

      God bless your weekend and enjoy your family:)



    3. We all need to find that place from time to time and being an introvert person I take refuge there quite a lot myself.

      Oh yes, imagining what it would be like to cuddle up to Michael is the ultimate escapism. The funny thing is that it always works too. At least for me... I always feel better after allowing my imagination to carry me away to this wonderful place of comfort.
      And sometimes, just sometimes, I feel as if Michael stays with me for a little while, but of course it is all in my head. I have a pretty vivid imagination too. :)

      I wish your and your family a wonderful weekend!



    4. I don't think it is all in your head, my friend...I think it is in your heart. I really believe that Michael KNOWS that love... and feels it coming from our hearts...and that he returns his love to us..."Each time the wind blows, I hear your voice so, I call your name... Whispers at morning, our love is dawning...Heaven's glad you came..." In the past 4 plus years... since Michael left this earth... I have experienced so many Michael moments that are tender and precious...just like him. Oh yes...I totally believes that a part of him remains with us, because we are another part of him. It was his mission, and continues to be, to bring more love into the world. So with a love like his, with the magnitude that he loved mankind, do you really think he could leave? This is from one of the songs I wrote several months after he passed..."Sometimes I get chills, way deep down heart told me that it was almost blew my mind...cause though my eyes no longer see you physically...I can see you with my heart and feel you close to me...And you sends me reeling...just to know it's you I'm feeling, when you're so close...I can feel you breathing." He told us that we are not alone and that he is with us...he will ALWAYS be with us. This is a phenomenon that we can't understand or explain, but God works in mysterious ways. God sent him to fulfill his mission and God walked into that room, that dreadful day, and said That's enough pain my child, it's time to go home...and He took him by the hand and walked him home..and the pain was over...and for the first time, he knows love ...Real LOVE and wonderful JOY....and now the King of Pop sings for the King of Kings, but then again...he always did:)



    5. "This is a phenomenen that we can't understand or explain..."

      T, my friend, I couldn't agree more.
      I want to share a story with you, something that happened to me almost 4 years ago, but since it is rather long, I will post a link for you to another blog of mine, containing fiction - and this one story from a difficult time of my life. Before you click the link, I need you to know that the stories on the blog are all about Michael - in fact, he is the main character of them all. The novels and short stories are all my work of love. I know that some people don't like this kind of fiction - and that is perfectly all right - so don't go surfing around on that blog if you don't like Michael Jackson fiction.
      I just... It is the only way I can give back some of the love and inspiration that he keeps pouring into me. I just have to "let off steam". But... Don't read it, if you don't like it. And please don't think badly of me for keeping Michael alive in fiction and for trying to give him a different ending to his life, for trying to understand him through my writing...

      I can't help it. I have to write.

      And the story you are aboout to read started it all. (If you want to read it, that is.)

      It is here:

      I love the song lyrics you posted. It feels just like that... Seriously, I know exactly what you are talking about. Wow... Goose bumps all over!
      Is the whole song about Michael?
      If so, would you consider posting the complete lyrics? I would so love to read them.



    6. dear sweet Michael friend...your story is absolutely beautiful:) And no... I could never think badly of you.You don't need to think that I would ever judge you,because that just won't happen:) As I read your story there were tears streaming down my face, because someone finally understands. I, too, FEEL Michael.I don't see him with my physical eyes...I see him with my heart, and, I FEEL him...I feel his warmth, and his presence...soothing me... as he wraps me up in his the purest sense of the is not a carnal thing, but spiritual. He has become a very precious friend to me. Someone asked me," How do you get to know a dead man?" To begin with, that is such a disrespectful thing to say, and secondly...I don't feel like he's me, he is still very much alive. I can't explain that, or define it...I only know what I feel.I can't just tell anyone about this, because if you haven't experienced a love like can't possible understand. As a Christian growing up, I was taught that the things of God are like Black and white...but since Michael passed, I am learning that we can't put God in a box and tell Him what He can, or cannot do. He is Awesome in power and He is so in love with us. He knows our name, our every thought, every tear we shed, and He knows what it is that we need...the hurt and the pain that we go through. In the past four years, I have learned that He reaches out to me in a way that He knows I need Him the most, and He is teaching me not to shrink back from that. There have been so many times when only God and Michael knew what was in my heart, and the Lord answered...which totally blew my mind. I love what you said..."It is the only way I can give back some of the love and inspiration that he keeps pouring into me." I absolutely love that:) He is my inspiration for so many of the songs that I write, Yes...the whole song is about Michael and I will be glad to share it with you.I am not sure how to go about copyrighting my songs, so It is not copyrighted, but I trust you to protect it with your heart. Here goes...

      "I feel your heart beating"

      Sometimes I get chills way deep down inside, my heart told me that it was you, it almost blew my mind, cause though my eyes no longer see you physically, I can see you with my heart and feel you close to me...

      And you sends me reeling...just to's you I'm feeling...When you're so close...I feel your heart beating:)

      Sometimes I can feel you brush against my skin...I turn hoping to see you but nobody's there again...Sometimes when it's quiet I can sense your presence here...cause all at once you're on my mind, and I know you are near...

      And you sends me reeling....just to's you I'm feeling...when you're close...I feel your heart're so close...I feel your heart beating:)

      It means a lot to me that you wanted to hear the complete lyrics. I much...your encouragement. Isn't it neat that you write these beautiful stories about Michael and I write songs about him? How cool is that?

      Keep on writing my friend...I am excited to read the rest of your stories. I believe in you:)



  3. T, your song is beautiful. Well in fact, it is so much more than that...
    Reading it gave me goose bumps. What you describe is not just close to what I have been experiencing since Michael died, it is spot on. From the brushing against my skin to the sensation of a presence, a pulsating heart beat, a sudden shiver, not from fear but from the joy springing from the realization that "there it is again", that special feeling.

    If you could see me, you would see me sitting at my kitchen table, speechless and shaking my head in disbelief.
    T, what is going on? What is happening to us? Is it real? And why are we feeling the things we feel?
    I have a harder time explaining the phenomenon than you. As I told you, I am not a religious person.
    I like to find natural explanations and I guess that if I really tried I could come up with a couple of theories that would explain most of the mystery. Most of it... Because there's this little part of it that defies explanation and this is where I have to listen to my heart and believe in what I feel without trying to explain. It just is. There are no whys. No questions...
    It is just this fact: Something happened when Michael died. Something that affects people, who have been fans for decades, as well as people, who didn't "know" Michael until after he passed away.
    So to me this has nothing to do with fandom. This is about a huge group of people, consiting of young and old alike, all nationalities, skin colors, beliefs etc. whose only connection seems to be the fact that they - for all kinds of reasons - had a door to their hearts left open when he died.
    And Michael walked right in and made their hearts his home. Our hearts...
    Isn't it wonderful?
    I am in awe.

    My story was basically a mental breakdown seen from the inside. There is no need to sugar-coat it. It was the most difficult time in my life, but against all odds and in the course of just one night, I walked out of that all time low, stronger than ever and with a deep sense of peace inside.
    To me, it was nothing short of a miracle - albeit a very personal one, which I guarded carefully for years before sharing all the details. It was so precious to me... It still is.
    And I know you understand.

    I would never violate your rights to your beautiful song.
    You have my word.

    I am glad you don't think badly about me because of the stories that I write. I have come across a few people who did and it was very hurtful. When your inspiration is love and all you want to do is to give back some of that love and do it respectfully, it is so hard to be accused of the opposite.
    I am writing with a pure heart. Yes, I think Michael was beyond gorgeous, but that is NOT what drives me. Yes, it pops up now and then, but only because my goal is to give Michael what he did not have in real life - normality, a complete life...
    Please, don't feel that you have to read any of the things that I write. It is a gigantuous task too. At least the equivalent of two thousand pages... And I am still writing.
    Now I am shaking my head again... Two thousand pages... Geez... :)

    Anyway, thanks a lot for sharing your song. I truly, truly loved it.


    1. E...I wish, with all my heart, that I COULD explain what is happening to both of us, but I can't. I DO believe that Michael has brought us together for a reason. He KNOWS us...both of us...and the way he comforts us is just as unique as his love is. Isn't it ironic to find out how the words of my song, describe what you have been experiencing...just like me? How could we possibly know that? We couldn't, but I think you answered our questions when you said," Because there's this little part of it that defies explanation and this is where I have to listen to my heart and believe in what I feel without trying to explain. It just is." Yes...that's exactly are so right. When Michael passed, the door to our hearts was left wide open and Michael his ultimate sweetness...walked right in and made our hearts his home. How did he DO that? Well...that seems to be the question that we can't answer...He just DID...and WE are among those who have been chosen to experience him, so here's what we do...We accept his love and this phenomenon as his blessing...knowing that he wants to be near us.Can I share something with you? The last time I dreamed of him, he was in a very large house, with many rooms, and I was across the hall from him, watching him, and thinking he didn't know I was there. But he DID, and he turned and smiled at me. I can still see him...He was wearing a royal blue shirt...with black pants, and white socks, his black loafers, but no hat. His hair was down to the top of his shoulders and he was talking with some men...sounded kind of serious. The next thing I knew...I was in his vehicle with him, and I was very upset that he had taken me away from my children, and I could feel that tug in my heart inside the dream...and then... I was back in that house again...he had brought me back because he knew he had upset me so deeply. He knew how I felt about him, but I told him I couldn't be with him because I was married and my heart belonged to my husband. I was waking up when everything went black, and I heard a man's voice saying to me..."Michael wants to stay close to you.", and then I opened my eyes, and I was laying in bed, with my heart just pounding because it seemed so real...could it have been? I don't know, but I have carried that dream with me everyday since then, and Michael has kept his word, because he HAS stayed so close to me.The dream was a precious gift that I will treasure forever:)

      Yes...I DO understand and that is why we have crossed each other's path, my friend. You have a friend in me, and I have a friend in you, and we have Michael in common, and we are no longer alone...THAT is priceless:)

      Would you like to hear the words to another Michael song of mine? l will not just assume that you said yes. If you respond to this with a yes...I will be glad to share it with you. It is so very personal, and I KNOW that you will understand that. Bless your heart...are you feeling better now? Has Michael's love given you the strength that you need? For me it is a day by day, ongoing inspiration that he places in my heart, and after he has touched my heart, I feel so loved, and I feel this warmth he is hugging me from the inside out:)

      I understand your need to guard your Michael miracle carefully, and I totally get how precious it is to you. My songs are the same to me...I guard them within an inch of my life, because every one of those songs came at a time when I was hurting and wounded and Michael loved me through it. You just have to dismiss those people who have such small hearts. I really do feel sorry for them. I believe in you, so you keep writing:) I WANT to read your stories, and I am looking forward to reading each matter how long it takes. Which one would you suggest that I read next?

      Thank you for protecting my heart and for believing in me:)



    2. ”Michael wants to stay close to you.”
      Aw, that’s so sweet!
      I definitely understand that you were asking yourself if it was real after you woke up – I did the same, remember? But as you say, we can’t really answer that question – nor should we. We just have to accept it as a blessing. Actually I think we should do more than just accept it… To me it is also a phenomenon that I cherish every day.
      Real or not… What matters is what it does to us, right?
      I have had a quite a few dreams about Michael myself. Some seem significant; some like the pure nonsense that dreams are made of most of the time. If you’d like to hear what the two most significant ones were all about, I’d be happy to tell you. It is up to you.

      Wait a minute…
      Maybe you could share one more song? You know, like a song for two dreams kind of deal? How does that sound? No, seriously, I would really love to read another one of your songs. I am sure it is going to hit right home with me.

      I am feeling great, thank you. In fact, I think I fully recovered that night – so much so that when my daughter was diagnosed with diabetes last summer, I was ready to take on “the challenge.” I am not saying that it wasn’t tough, because as a mother you want your children to be healthy and happy, but it did not make me lose my footing. I had the inner strength needed to help and support her. And I thank that night – and Michael – for my strength. It holds me up and makes me push on no matter what.
      “I can do this and I will,” seems to be my new motto.

      Oh dear…
      You want to read my stories.
      Where to start?
      I think you should start out with one of the short stories. They’re all called Encounters, because that is what they are about – encounters between Michael and someone else. You see, I like to explore what happens when two people meet for the first time, and so far I have written 8 of these encounter stories. Some are short, some rather long.
      I think you should start with Encounter 1, which is short, sweet and innocent.
      If you like that one, I have a few more Encounters that I’d like to recommend to you.

      The rest of the stories on my blog are all part of one HUGE narrative about Michael and a woman called Emma. The first part of that story bears the title “Stairway to Heaven” and consists of 83 chapters. The sequel to Stairway to Heaven is called “Love Lives Forever” and so far this one consists of 61 chapters – so the story of Michael and Emma stretches across a total of 144 chapters! And there are more to come… I generally post a new chapter every second week. Yes, I know… But as I told you, I can’t stop. 
      Anyway, I don’t think you should start here. Start with some of the easier stuff.

      This is a link to Encounter 1:

      I hope you like it.

      And thank you so much for believing in me too.


    3. I like that..."to me it is also a phenomenon that I cherish every day":) I looked up the word cherish on Google and you know what it said? "To protect and care for someone lovingly", and this is the example that it gave..." He cared for me beyond measure and cherished me in his heart." I thought of Michael when I read this because it is who he is through and through... and protecting him is what we do:)

      Yes...I would love to hear about your dreams, so feel free to share:) I will share another song with you, if you share one of your dreams with me:) Did you say yes? Well...I'm going to trust that you did, so here is another "Michael song":)

      " When You go through me"

      Sometimes my heart is hurting so deep
      and the pain's so bad all I can do is weep,
      There are days I think I'll go insane,
      But then I hear you whispering my name.

      When you go through me... I don't even know how to explain...
      Something deep inside is not the same, since the day that you came...
      I know my heart will be forever changed..
      When you go through me.

      Somehow you know, each beat of my heart,
      And you know where I am wounded by the scars,
      Your love tears down the walls keeping us apart,
      And you erase the pain that wasn't my fault,

      When you go through me, I don't even know how to explain,
      Something deep inside is not the same, since the day that you came,
      I know my heart will be forever changed...
      When you go through me....
      Your love moves me....When you go through me."

      I wrote several songs after Michael passed.It.seemed like that just started after another.He was, and is, my inspiration to this day. He gives me Joy and strength and somehow, he makes me feel good about myself, like he loves me just the way I am, and that is so huge for me.

      How is your daughter doing? Yes...I agree with you...they are such a part of our hearts, aren't they. I have one son and two daughters. My son will graduate college this May, and my daughter will graduate high school in May also. Gonna be tough on this Mama's heart. My youngest daughter is a freshman in high school, so we have children coming in and going out of the school system. I was diagnosed with diabetes just a few weeks ago. It doesn't run in my family, so it came as a shock. I am on medicine for it now, and in the process of learning to change some lifestyle habits. Do you know what I love to do? I love to walk out here in the country with my mp3 player and Michael. I walk according to the beat of each of his songs, and I feel so good when I am I have spent some time with a treasured my heart I guess I have:) So that is a good thing, but now it has gotten cold...and the cold doesn't agree with me, so I dance around to Michael here in my kitchen, and I will have to say, that it is quite a good workout when one gets their hips going:) He's right...the beat is a driving force and when you listen to it, you become the beat:) I totally get what he said about that:)

      I am looking forward to reading your goodness..what a gifted writer you are. Thank you for the link and I will enjoy working my way through. I won't stop until I get enough:) I am preparing now for the journey:) I will wait until I have time to relax and enjoy it.

      Looking forward to talking with you again. Have I said how proud I am of you? Well...I am:)

      God bless you real good this week:)



    4. Wow...
      Another beautiful song. Especially the words "When you go through me" do something to me. I can't explain what it is, I just... It has something to do with something my late grandmother experienced when her husband died - prematurely just as Michael. Those words really mean something to me on a very personal level and I never doubted my grandmother. So to read them here in connection with Michael is...very powerful.

      You are very talented. I really wish I could hear you sing your songs too.(Although it would probably make me very emotional.)

      My daughter is doing fine. It's been a tough year, but we have adjusted to her new life and stopped thinking about her illness constantly. At least not in a negative way, because obviously we need to keep things in check.
      I am sad to hear you have diabetes too. It brings such a huge change to ones life. I really hope that one day soon someone will come up with a cure or at least a way to treat it more easily and effectively.

      Now... My dreams....

      The first dream that I want to share, is the one that I refer to as “the blueberry muffin dream”.
      In the dream I was sitting in a room full of people, waiting for someone. No one seemed to know exactly whom we were waiting for but then all of a sudden Michael walked in carrying a tray filled with blueberry muffins, which he had baked himself. (Anything is possible in a dream.) Apparently, we had been waiting for him. He had to pick a helper and lo and behold – he picked me. So, I got to carry the tray with the blueberry muffins. He began walking down a long corridor with a lot of doors and started handing out the muffins to people standing in the doors, telling each and everyone who he gave one to that he loved them. I remember I had trouble keeping up with him, but he did not seem to mind, every time I caught up with him, he smiled at me, gave me a muffin too and told me he loved me.
      I have thought about that dream a lot. It was strange, to say the least, but somehow I cannot help to think that it was about him giving love and hope to people – especially since the pile of muffins in the tray never seemed to shrink. We all know, Michael gave and gave and gave…

      The second dream is one of my favorites.
      I dreamt I was standing on a hilltop, looking down on a stadium where Michael was performing. (I had no ticket, so I could not get into the stadium.) I could hear him quite clearly, but I could not see him. As the concert progressed, I grew increasingly desperate to see him and decided to see if I could get into the stadium somehow, but once I got off the hilltop, there was a sea of people in front of me, who seemed to want to get in too. In short, it was impossible. Depressed, I began walking home. Then all of a sudden the music stopped and everyone around me let out a surprised gasp. I turned, but saw nothing – until suddenly the sea of people parted in front of me and then fell completely silent. At the other end of the passageway created by the crowd, Michael was standing, staring right at me. “Where are you going, (my real name)” he said. “I want you to come with me.”
      I walked towards him in disbelief – and felt the eyes of the crowd on me as I did so – and when I took his hand, he led me into the stadium. The dream ended there, but I have never felt so chosen in my life. It was amazing… *sigh*

    5. T, I know I said two dreams, but I’ve got to share this one too! Bear with me... :)
      I need to post it in parts, because it is too long...

      The third dream started out at my grandmother's house, where the whole family was gathered to celebrate her birthday - including my cousin from the States and his wife. They gave her a huge book on the landscapes of the United States and... Well, quite frankly I found that book irresistibly interesting and as soon as I got a chance to sneak away, I went into the room where it was and opened it. All of a sudden, I was sitting in the backseat of a car, a SUV I believe, because it was big, and my cousin was behind the wheel with his wife sitting next to him and we were chatting, laughing and having fun as we drove through the most amazing countryside. It was greener than California, but it had almost the same rolling hills and I remember thinking that it would be great if we continued all the way to California.
      Then we drove into this picturesque little town, but the further we got, the more void of life it became.
      Still we kept on talking and laughing as we drove down a street, which was completely empty but for one person standing by the curb right at a street junction.
      Dressed in black jeans, black jacket, white t-shirt and wearing black boots and shades, I recognized him immediately and although I knew he was dead, I did not find seeing him there strange at all. The only strange thing was the fact that no one else in the car seemed to see him. No one said anything. In fact, there seemed to be no sound at all at this point. It was af if, I was in a different dimension. Even the houses looked as if they were in a different dimension. I cannot quite explain it, but it was like driving through a movie set. It looks real but it isn't.

    6. We stopped at the red light just in front of Michael, who kept looking up and down the street a little nervously, almost as if he was waiting for someone, who was late. I immediately rolled down my window and reached out my arm. (Strangely, the tables are turned. I am in the car, sitting where he should be.)
      The second I did that it was as if he saw me and he grabbed my hand and lifted it to his lips, placing a soft kiss on it and right at that moment I felt as if he was greeting an old friend, someone he knew, rather than just someone, who just happened to come by. But I guess that is what he did to people. You know, make them feel special...
      Anyway, he did not let go of my hand again and I remember how strong his hand felt. Strong, and yet soft like a hand, which had never had to do hard labor. His skin was warm to the touch to and a little dry, as if it needed lotion.
      Oh my God, he felt so real. I can still feel it as I write this.
      Still holding my hand, he took a step as if he wanted to leave and not willing to let go, I pulled at his hand to stop him, causing him to pull right back at mine as if he wanted me to come with him. Suddenly, something seemed to startle him and he let go of me. He did remain standing outside the car though, and I touched his shoulder and then his arm, feeling him through the silky fabric of the jacket. It felt hauntingly real too. A hard, bony shoulder and then softer tissue on his upper arm.
      All of a sudden, he grabbed my hand again, almost desperately and pressed it against his cheek. It was warm and unbelievably soft to the touch and as he let go again and took a step backwards, I had not had enough of it and leaned out of the car window and stretched my arm to the very limit to nuzzle his cheek, this time also feeling tiny stubble there.
      Perhaps feeling my desperation, he walked up to the car again, wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into the most amazing hug. A hug I cannot describe other that by saying it was a real Michael hug and that there was nothing in the world but him right at that moment. Nothing...
      Then he was gone and the dream continued as if nothing had happened.

      Oh dear... This reply ended up being really long. I hope I did not test your patience too much. It is just that when I get started I can't seem to stop.

      But I guess I had better do just that now.

      Have a wonderful day, my friend.


    7. Thank you so much for your kind words. It seems that we are connected, somehow, through Michael, and that we have his desire to stay close to each of us, in common. This is something else we can't explain, but we know it's real in our hearts.:) He is reaching out to touch us, even still. My heart hears him say that "he is here for me", and that "it's going to be okay" for me? Like...HERE for me? or Here to take me with him? Kind of makes me nervous as to what that message really means. I know that there are a lot of things in our dreams that are symbolic, and represent something else that we are struggling with sometimes. I guess time will tell. If you don't hear from me again, I guess we'll both know he was here to take me with him:)

      How we met each other amazes me, and the fact that we both write... in different venues, and we both have dreams about Michael, and we both FEEL him, and understand when we tell each other how he makes us feel, and how his love heals. We can still remember what he looked like in vivid many other dreams can you say that you really remember that well? And we can still feel his sweet, so tender, and he makes us feel so loved...and yes...he keeps giving and giving and giving...even now.You have some awesome dreams my dear...more like...visions. Do you ever wonder about that? How often to they come? God gave me a vision when my precious Mother passed away from colon cancer. It broke my heart to let her go. I could always make her laugh, and she was my best audience...she believed in me. She was such a loving person, and she was my gift. I treasure the life lessons that she taught me and I pray that I can be the Mom to my kids that she was to me. In that vision, she was young and healed and she came to me and put her arms around me and held me tight and told me she loved me, and that I must go on without her. Sorry...I need a few minutes....and I know some people may not believe it, but I will always believe that God let me see her just one more time, and let me feel the embrace of my that is why I definately believe, because I have experienced it. I can't explain it...seems to be a lot of that going around lately...but I know it was my gift.

      I love your stories, and would you please help me get to the next one? You have given me the link to Encounters one and there a two and three? If so, could I please have the link to them? I love the detail in which you write.Is Michael your inspiration? Do you have an idea of where your story is going to go when you sit down to write, or does is just seem to unfold before you? What an exciting gift you have, and you use it in such a professional way. My songs have come from a source of pain in my life, and I find that writing is such good therapy...what about you? Thank you for sharing your dreams with me. I look forward to getting to know you better, and it seems we are on our way:) Thank you for your trust and for your talent:) Have a wonderful weekend:)



    8. Oh T, I don’t think he’s here for you in that sense. And even if he was, just think about it for a second… There’s nothing to worry about, now is there? If indeed Michael was capable of bringing people home, then I can only think of going home as a wonderful, comforting experience and definitely not something to be nervous about.

      You write songs, I write fiction…
      You know what? I think we are both subconsciously trying to get to terms with what is happening to us by putting our thoughts and emotions to words and in your case also to music. Setting free our imaginations is a search for answers, a quest for an understanding that we can only find inside our own hearts and minds. So, now that we’ve found each other, let’s leave our hearts and minds – and all imaginary possibilities – wide open just in case a glimmer of an answer will light up inside of one of us, shall we?
      Or to put it differently – two minds think better than one. Maybe we can help each other to a better understanding of this phenomenon? I for one would love to give it a try.

      My dreams…
      I am well aware that some of them have this vision-like quality. The three I have shared with you are not the only ones that fit into this category, but I have to tell you that generally I dream a lot and that most of my dreams are perfectly normal and completely forgotten in the morning, so it could be just a coincidence. Dreams are a bit weird too, you know, but I am not ruling out the fact that there could be more to my dreams than that. I am leaving all options open, so to speak.
      I discussed my dreams with someone else a while ago and she alerted me to the fact that some of my dreams about Michael are in fact what is called lucid dreams, which simply put means that one is aware that one is dreaming during the dream.
      The third dream (the one in the car) that I shared with you yesterday had that quality – as did some of my other dreams, which is also the reason why I remember them so vividly afterwards.

      When do they happen?
      I don’t know if there’s a pattern, but I have noticed that I generally tend to dream more whenever something is bothering me or when I am emotionally involved in events – for instance, the night before Conrad Murray’s involuntary manslaughter case started, I dreamt that Michael came to my bedroom window at night and stood there for a while looking in at me. (This was also a lucid dream, because I remember thinking not to move, because if I did, the dream might slip from me.) But in the end I did, and in my dream I got out of bed and walked over to the window. Michael then told me he was nervous that his private life was going to be exposed. I told him I was sure everything was going to be okay and then he stood there for a little while looking at me searchingly before he nodded and disappeared into the night.
      Yeah… Still, don’t know what that was. But I felt as if I returned a favor, somehow. You know, for the comfort he gave me the night I told you about. (Encounter 4)
      But maybe I am just very easily affected by what goes on around me. It could be and since I have a vivid imagination too… Well, I guess you could say the answer is right there.

    9. Sorry . Had to split up my reply again! I write too much!!!!

      The human mind is very powerful too. I know this is put a little provocatively – and I mean no offence - but I sometimes think that some of the things that we attribute to God are in fact the workings of our own mind and psyche. We are capable of so much more than we know.
      Still, the most amazing thing is that it doesn’t really matter what we believe. It doesn’t make a difference. It is still, miraculous, isn’t it? You seeing you mother one last time… I mean… wow… If that’s not a miracle I don’t know what it is.

      I will give you the links to Encounter 2 and 3 shortly, but first I will try to answer your questions.
      Is Michael my inspiration? Yes! Michael and all the love I have for him… I just have to get it out somehow… To express it…

      Do I know where a story is going when I sit down to write?
      Most often, I have a general idea of where I want it to go, but no idea how to make it go there. I just sit there and watch the events unfold, so to speak.
      I am probably not making much sense… It is just that it is so hard to explain. I don’t fully understand the creative process myself. I once told a friend of mine that Michael is full of mischief. He never does what I want him to do or the way I want it done, but in the end the final outcome is always better somehow. Maybe it is because I don’t force it and just let it come to me…
      T, I seriously don’t know. 

      Anyway, here are the links to the next two Encounters:

      Both Encounters are seen from a fan’s perspective, but the stories are very different. (Please note that Encounter 2 is hopelessly sad.)

      Lots of love


    10. You are so right, and I don't worry about going home...I'll be home with God when He calls my name, it just makes me wonder why I sense Michael telling me that. I have come a long way with him since that day of the Memorial. Actually it started that morning...on Good Morning America when a group was singing "Will you be there". It grabbed my heart and drew me...that song started me on my Journey to find Michael. And then my son told me, at my request, that it was Jennifer Hudson who sang that same song again at Michael's Memorial, and what the name of that beautiful song was. I met Him that day and discovered that he was not just a famous icon...he was an musical genius who was a loving father, son, brother, cousin and uncle...a human being with a heart so big, and a capacity to love like no other human I had ever known. I smiled as I heard account after account of his interaction with people...such love he had for us amazed me, so I began my find out just who this man really was. I discovered his love for God and for all mankind, which only fueled by research of who he was. I have learned so much about him, and I continue to learn more day by day...and I continue to meet the people who feel Michael's heart just like I do, and our experiences are tailored to fit each of our hearts so that it is just the right fit...a Michael shaped whole in our hearts that his love is filling:)

      I can't talk very long this morning...need to get ready to go to Church soon, but I will be back when I have more time to visit with you:) Enjoy this day and your family. My kids are all home this weekend...I'm loving it:)



    11. Hello my friend...
      You have studied him well in the four short - and yet so long - years that have passed since he died. You have more insight than some of the people who claim to have been fans for decades.
      Still, the beautiful thing about Michael is that there are always new things to learn and understand. Michael is like an onion... You can peel back layer after layer and never get to the core. So, it is a life-long project to get to know who he was, but I think you will agree with me that this is something that we will be very happy to do.

      I hope you had a wonderful weekend with your kids. What a blessing to have them all home at once!



    12. And hello to YOU my friend:) Do you know what today is? It is November 25th, which makes 4 years and 5 months since the day Michael went on before us. It makes me wonder where the time has gone. Michael is like an onion? That explains why he can bring me to tears so easily when I hear his voice, and I believe you are right...I AM still learning new things about him, and that just THRILLS me:) Michael is quite the mystery, so do you think he will ever let us get to the core of who he really is? I am looking forward to this life-long project, and finding the thought of it quite "appealing". Sorry for the humor...I just couldn't resist:)
      You know what? I am really thankful for you, as Thanksgiving is approaching. It is so good to have a friend to talk with about Michael...someone who understands like we do. My husband does not understand Michael, at all, but he knows that I think Michael is an awesome entertainer, and he knows I love his music, but we don't talk about it. because when it comes to Michael, I am a passionate advocate, and he has experienced that when I come to Michael's just agree to disagree on that subject. Since Michael has passed, I have had to keep him to myself. My 14 year old daughter likes his music, and is learning to play Man in the Mirror on my keyboard. She has his posters on her wall, but she is just a kid, and doesn't understand him with the depth that I have come to know him, and even though we do enjoy listening to him together, it's not the same as being able to talk from the heart with another adult who completely believes in him the way I do. So...You are my blessing, and I am thankful for you:)

      I remember the day I got on the Internet and up popped this picture of Michael laying on a gurney, in his death, and I just covered my mouth in horror, and the tears streamed down my cheeks. It was so awful and degrading to Michael, and I wondered when they would ever leave this precious man alone...that even in his death, they continued to violate his privacy. I kissed my fingers and placed them on his picture, and told him how sorry I was that they had done this, and how much I loved his precious heart. I vowed at that moment that I would never ever give up searching for the truth..and I have kept my word, and always will. It gives me strength to know you are on the same mission:)

      Yes..I am always so happy to have my family surrounding me. It is such a blessing:)

      I look forward to talking with you whenever time will allow, and I appreciate your gift, so keep the faith and don't ever give up:) God bless and keep you and your family:)



    13. Hi T,
      No, I think Michael is guarding the core of his being very carefully. I think he is smiling down at us mischievously, highly amused by our futile attempts to decode him. :)

      "Seriously, gurl... You think I will let you get away with that?"
      I can almost hear him chuckle.

      My husband doesn't "get" Michael either and he often shakes his head and rolls his eyes when I try to explain what Michael was all about. I think he finds me a bit crazy for loving someone I have never met so wholeheartedly. Especially at my age... (I am 42.)
      Still, he loves Michael's music, so we often sit down in the evening and watch his short films or footage from his concerts together.

      My daughter is almost 15 - and she too has his posters on her walls, a fact I contribute more to my "bad" influence than a genuine interest of her own. She does like what Michael stood for though - and she defends him like a tiny lioness whenever someone attacks him - so I sense that there is hope that she will one day appreciate him as much as we do and understand his message. It is up to her, though. I am not preaching.
      She needs to find her own answers in life.

      Oh, the picture of Michael on the gurney...
      Yeah, that one was quite a shock to me too when I first saw it, but now I just feel sad that it was made public. As you say, not even in death was he allowed to have privacy...
      Thank God he doesn't know and doesn't care. But his children... I cannot even begin to imagine what they must be going through. The image of the little one clutching that MJ doll at the memorial still haunts me... And Paris... She loved her daddy so much.
      How terrible it must be for them to watch pictures of their beloved father, robbed of his dignity and privacy...

      Oh dear, T...
      We need to move on to a happier subject.

      Let's close your eyes and listen to Michael's bright laughter as he runs around in garden of Neverland throwing water balloons at unsuspecting victims...

      Yes, this is much better. :)

      Keep smiling


    14. Hi E...

      Where I live, we celebrated Thanksgiving yesterday. It's a time to reflect on our lives and to be thankful for how blessed we are. I am so blessed to have my family around me this weekend and to spend time together.There has been a lot of laughter ringing in the halls of my home, with all my kids home, and I'm loving it:) I am also thankful for new Michael friend. I feel like I have always known you because of the bond we share through Michael, and THAT is a wonderful blessing:)

      Yes...I believe you are right...I don't think Michael will ever let us decode him, and I like this..."Seriously, think I will let you get away with that?" It made me smile, because I can just imagine him saying that. A couple days ago, a person asked me to think about being in the kitchen with Michael and the two of us are cooking together, when suddenly I feel a thump on my head because Michael is throwing marshmallows at me behind my back! That made me laugh and I really needed that right about then. It's like Michael always knows my heart, and that's when he "shows up" for me...making me smile...he knows when I just need him to make the world go away for a little while. He is my precious friend:)

      I would love it if I could share Michael with my husband. He just doesn't understand him, and doesn't care for His kind of music, so I just have to enjoy him on my own, and that's would just be so nice if my man was on the same page as me when it comes to Michael.

      Yes...He was always trying to make someone laugh, and bring some joy to their hearts. He is STILL doing that:)

      I think it's neat that our daughters our close in age and both have Michael on their walls. And I am with you...they are the next generation to learn about Michael...and isn't it amazing how that generation is discovering his musical genius? Michael's love and his talent, and legacy,are timeless, and He will always be here for generations to come:)



    15. Hi T,
      How wonderful that you had your family around you for Thanksgiving! We don't celebrate Thanksgiving in Denmark, but I am loking forward to Christmas Eve, which is the big family thing on this side of the Atlantic.
      I am already making preparations... I love Christmas. It really is the most wonderful time of the year...

      Yes, Michael will be there for generations to come. Absolutely... But I wonder what he will mean to people 200 years from now. Will have have become more than a music icon? Will people finally understand him? Or will nothing have changed?

      I wonder...and I hope.



    16. Wow...You live in Denmark? That's so cool! I had no idea:) I love Christmas, too, and we are preparing as well. For us right now, it means lots of practices for Christmas programs for Church and School. I lead a group of kids at our Church, ages Kindergarten through 6th grade, and we start practicing for our Christmas program in late September. Our big day is set for December 15th, during the morning service, and they will be adorable, all dressed up in their Christmas clothes, singing their little hearts out about the Newborn King:) I just love them...they really get to my heart:) What are some of your traditions at Christmas time?

      What will Michael mean for generations to come? I really believe his legacy of love will always remain, for all time. Will people finally understand him? It's hard to say. I think the ones who are chosen to understand you and me...will be the ones who will see him for who he really is. There will be those who could do the math for ages to come yet, and never, ever "get him". It's sad, because that's their loss. He was able to reach our hearts because we are receptive to him...we are on "his frequency"...tuned into him. That is why we can "feel" him the way we's how he totally "nourishes" us with his love....a love so real, and so kind, so deep, so giving. Maybe one day the world will realize how much they need that love.

      By the way...thank you for the links to your do I find the next one?...I have read 1,2,3 and 4. Where do I go from here? I don't want to keep bothering you, but I would love to read the next one:) You are so talented that you take me into your story with you, as if I was there, too. What an escape!:) I think my heart has actually skipped a beat while I was reading:)

      Take care and have a good week, and may the Lord bless your heart real good:)


      Your friend...


    17. Yes, I am a "real" viking. :)
      I am surprised you didn't notice that my English is a little "off" from time to time.

      My Christmas traditions...
      Well, generally they include making lots of homemade sweets and cookies and a lovely dinner with my family on Christmas Eve, where we also open the presents. (And dance around the Christmas tree... Yeah... I know how it sounds... *Smiles* It is a heathen tradition too, a celebration of the coming of the light.)
      It is a rather quiet Christmas, but this is just the way I like it - and the way my family likes it.

      Thanks for your take on what Michael will mean for generations to come. I agree with everything you say. Love conquers everything - but sadly not the lack of understanding.

      You are not bothering me... I am flattered that you want to read what I have written.
      I could give you a link to my stories blog, but since there're so many stories on it, I am afraid you will get lost (or end up reading one of the few naughty chapters, which is on there) - and I don't want that to happen.

      So I would like to keep guiding you to the good stuff, if you don't mind. :)

      Next up is Encounter Five, which is a bit longer than the stories you have read so far. It consists of three parts, which you can read here:

      Part 1:
      Part 2:
      Part 3:

      I am looking forward to your reaction to this one.



    18. I almost forgot... If you'd like to download Encounter 5 as a nice booklet, you can do so here:

    19. Hi E...

      I have been trying to get to encounters 5, parts 1, 2 and 3, but my computer won't let me go there. I don't understand why because I have never had any problem getting access to them before. I will keep trying. I am looking forward to reading the next encounter,

      Hope you are having a good weekend. Hey...have you got any of those sweet treats you make for Christmas made yet? I usually make some chocolate and peanut butter fudge, by request of my children, and different kinds of cookies that we don't make usually, so it is a treat to have them. What are some of your favorite foods? We go to my husband's parents house for Christmas Eve and my Mother makes homemade vegetable soup, and me and my sister-in-laws, bring homemade pies and other sweet treats. My niece LOVES brownies. She is 5 years old, so that HAS to be on the menu:)

      Better go for now...Take care and I will be talking with you soon:)



    20. I just found where you told me I could download Encounter 5 as a nice this from the links that you gave me, that I couldn't get to? Is it okay if I just go to it and read it as I can find the time instead of downloading? Would that work? I sneaked a peak...and it was hard to stop reading...what a treat:) You have got a special talent, my friend:) Where does your inspiration come from for each story...I's like you are there, like it's happening to you, and you take me there with make me FEEL it...and THAT is such an amazing really is:)

      Looking forward to talking with you again. Have a good day:)



    21. T,
      How strange that you cannot access the three parts of Encounter 5 - but I am glad you found the booklet link, which I forgot to post in my first reply to you.

      No, there's no need to download. You can read the booklet online. In fact, it doesn't matter to me where you read it and how, so just do it the way that suits you the best. :)

      I am afraid I have not started making Christmas sweets yet, but I plan to start next weekend.

      A Danish Christmas dinner typically consists of a pork roast or roast duck. Sometimes both. A few prefer turkey for their Christmas dinner, but it is a minority. Traditionally the roast is served with ordinary potatoes, caramelized potatoes, pickled red cabbage, cranberry sauce or red currants and an absolutely wonderful gravy. Dessert is usually a "Risalamande", (Danish, after French: Riz à l'amande, rice with almonds) which is cold rice pudding with whipped cream, vanilla, and chopped almond. It is served with hot or chilled cherry sauce. A very naughty dessert... Definitely not good for anyone's health. :)

      I like traditional Danish food, but I must admit that my favorites are either French, Italian or Spanish in origin. Mediterranean food is divine.

      Where does my inspiration come from?
      Well, sometimes it springs from an actual event in Michael's life, sometimes it is just an idea that pops up out of the blue and then grown on me until I must write it down and at other times it is more like a desire to explore a certain part of Michael's personality, which gets my imagination going.

      I put my heart and soul into every one of my stories. In fact, I think you could say that I give a piece of myself to each story. Especially when it is one of the stories that makes me dig really deep into my imagination or deep into Michael's personality... They can be hard to shake afterwards. Sometimes I feel empty...
      Hm... It is hard to explain... I guess I open all of my mental flood gates when I am writing. I am really sensitive to whatever may come up in the media about Michael too. Sometimes an article makes my writing take a turn and continue in a completely different direction than what I had planned at first.

      The creative process is a complex thing.

      Am I even making sense? :)

      Have a wonderful day, T!



    22. Hi E:)

      I just got home from shopping for Christmas and it has been a long day, but one that I very much enjoyed. This is what gives me joy...buying little things for the ones that I love, and surprising them. My girls won't be home from school for a little bit yet, so that gives me a few minutes to stop by and say hi:)

      I haven't started making sweets yet either, but I will... because my son will be home for Christmas Break from college next week, and he will be ENCOURAGING me to fix something for him:) He has quite a "sweet tooth", and loves homemade treats, especially after living on his own while away at school. However, from what he tells me, he is becoming quite the cook. He really WAS paying attention all those years to the life lessons I was teaching him:) He just turned 20 on November 30th and stands at 6'4". He is musical, like girls are, too, and that just thrills my heart to see that God has given them that gift as well:) I

      Your traditional Christmas dinner sounds delicious and it is so interesting to learn about your customs. I especially enjoyed your description of dessert..."a naughty dessert"...that is cute:) I like your take on it:) You made me smile:) What does Mediterranean food consist of?
      We love Pork Roast, too, and I fix it with mashed potatoes, green beans, corn, noodles, cottage cheese, some kind of fruit, usually peaches,and maybe a dessert, which could be just about anything that I had time to fix.

      We live in different parts of the world...with different traditions and customs, yet our love for Michael, has brought us together...don't you find that amazing? It's so like him...don't you think? It is his heart's mission to bring us all together, and teach us how to really love one another:) Love is a powerful force and he won't let us stop until we get enough. I don't know about you, but I don't ever want to get enough. I want to always be reaching out for his hand...showing me the truth. He is God's ambassador of love, sent to us, and we will never be the same again:)

      I totally understand and get how you put your heart and soul into every one of your stories, and how the flood gates open wide when you are writing, That is exactly how I feel when I write a song. Sometimes it overwhelms me to the point of me sitting there at my keyboard in tears...because I FEEL it. Most people don't understand when I tell them that, but you my friend...I now know that you understand because you have been there so many times . are right...the creative process is a complex thing, and yes... you ARE making sense. I just want to reach through this screen and hug you, because it is so rare when I connect with someone who has that artistic flame, burning in their heart, like I do. And THAT is why WE connect with Michael because that artistic flame burned so brightly in him...always did...always will.

      When I get a few minutes to be by myself, I will read some more of your encounters 5. It is my treat and much better for me than eating chocolate!:) If I was holding your story in my hand, it would be tough for me to put it down. You are that good my dear:)

      I must go girls just walked in the door, and our golden retriever followed them in and is sitting on my daughter in the chair. It has become her tradition, and she is so spoiled, but we love her... so I will talk again soon.

      Hope you are having the most wonderful day, my Michael friend:)



    23. Ah yes…
      The part about your son coming home from college brought back memories of my college years. I know exactly what he is going through. I loved going home for the weekend too and being pampered with some good food after weeks on what felt like bread and water. (It wasn’t that bad – trust me – I just LOVE food.)
      Tomorrow it is time for the homemade Christmas sweets. We are going to use marzipan with mint, orange and licorice flavor for our sweets and then we have some regular marzipan that we mix with Amarena Cherries (an Italian delicacy). Everything is then coated with various types of chocolate. Yum!

      What is Mediterranean style food?
      Well, to be exact, it is not really fair to talk about a single Mediterranean style as such. What is eaten varies significantly from one Mediterranean country to another. There also are major differences in diet between some regions within a country, as in Italy. However, the shared features of what is usually spoken of as Mediterranean style food are as follows:
      Lots of fruits, vegetables, bread and other cereals, potatoes, beans, nuts and seeds, olive oil instead of butter. Dairy products, fish and poultry are more common than red meat and then they drink wine in moderate amounts.

      Yes, it is amazing how Michael brings people together!

      Talk to you soon!
      (It is dinner time, so I have to go.)



    24. Hi E...

      Your sweet Christmas treats sound very special....a treasured tradition:) You will have to enjoy some for me, okay?:)You like chocolate, too? I think chocolate is a language that everybody understands:) I love chocolate anything...especially ice cream. I can eat the other flavors, but I really love chocolate. I will probably begin making some treats for Christmas this week. I bought the ingredients today, so I am excited to get started, and I am sure my kids will appreciate it as well:)

      I read encounter 5. Was that part one, two and the booklet? If so, then I read it all, what comes next and how do I get there? It feels like I am viewing a scene in Michael's I am really there, but he doesn't know it.There is something so sweet and so real about I can see and feel his heart, and the emotions that he is experiencing at that moment...Our love...and his heart doing "flip-flops". I truly, truly wish he could have found his "soul-mate" and known the joy of a relationship that was real and a love that was committed to him...not just someone playing games with his heart...hurting his soul. Granted... it would have taken a very special woman to stand by his side and believe in him, and be devoted to his heart...understanding that even though he loved her, he was married to his music, and to his fans and God was a very important part of his life. It's a tall order, so I won't begin to even judge her for not being able to handle you think that any one of us could? Sure...we think we would be so blessed to have the opportunity to be chosen for that lifelong commitment, but we don't know what it was like, either. I wonder sometimes that even though he was sweet and gorgeous, could he be a force to be reckoned with as well? I think maybe so. That is what made him so mysterious:)

      Better go for now...take care and have a wonderful week,my friend:) God bless you real good:)



    25. Hi T!

      I loooove chocolate! And ice cream... Oh my gosh... I am like a caged animal whenever we have ice cream in the house: I am walking back and forth restlessly until I give in and eat it all. :)

      When I am done making my Christmas sweets I will post a picture for you, so you can see what they look like - and then you will have to use your imagination since I can't give you the real thing.

      Yes, Encounter 5 consists of three parts - and has an open ending. So it is up to you to decide what happens when Michael is done touring.
      Next up is Encounter 6 and 7, but since I am not overly happy with them, I would like you to move on to Encounter 8, which is a long one. But before I give you the link there is something I have to tell you. First of all, it is written as a third person omniscient narrative, which means that for the first time you get to hear what Michael thinks. I have been writing for almost 4 years now and this is the first time I ever did it like this. I was worried that it would violate his privacy somehow, but with this story... When it came to me, I realized there was no other way to write it.
      Secondly, there is intimacy and although I have done my utmost to be respectful, I don't know how you would feel about reading something like that. So I feel I should warn you.
      (It is only a few pages out of 56 pages, but still... It is there.)
      And finally... It is sad.

      So think about it, and let me know if you want to read it. If you do, you should know that there is a sequel to Encounter Eight too...(Another 60 pages.)

      Do I think any of us would have been able to handle being in a relationship with Michael?
      Well, I can tell you how I think I would have done... As much as I love him, I would have been struggling with the paparazzi, the attention, the absurd allegations, the know, everything that was his life, but I would have grit my teeth and somehow survived that. I would have put up with a lot of things. And I would have been patient, very patient, because Michael was a very complex man with a complicated childhood. But - and there is a but - I fear that would have been terribly lonely and I honestly doubt that I would have been able to live with that in the long run...
      I defininitely think he was a force to be reckoned with as well, so a long time ago I concluded that it was better to love him from a distance rather than get so close that I would get burned.

      I think that answers your question.

      Lots of love


      And Merry Christmas!

    26. Hi E...

      I really appreciate you warning me about the "sensitive nature" of the next link that you could send me. Although we love Michael's heart, and that part of him that he showed us, and what he stood for, I guess we also have to realize that he was human, he had a personal life, and that he was a MAN. He was a married man, twice, so he knew the intimacy of married love. He was a gentleman, which meant that he didn't "kiss and tell" and within the privacy of his closed bedroom doors, I can only imagine the PASSION for the one that he loved. I say this with only the purest intentions of my heart...because of the magnitude of love that lived inside him. I trust your artistic creativity, because it was given to you for a reason, so I am going to say go ahead and send me the link. If it makes me uncomfortable, I promise to read around that part...okay? I truly respect you and your talent, and your desire to honor Michael with your gift:)

      Yes , that does answer my question. We really have no idea of what it would be like to be in Michael's be THAT close to him, so you are is better to love him from a distance rather than get so close that we get burned. Very well put, my friend:) I do believe that the love of his fans and his family and his faith in God carried him through every day of his life. The strength that he possessed was amazing.

      Until later...



    27. Hi E...

      I wish you and your dear family a very Merry Christmas and a New Year that is filled with God's richest blessings on your lives:) So thankful to have met you:)



    28. Merry Christmas, my friend - and a Merry Christmas to all of your loved ones too! I hope you have a wonderful holiday.

      T, I am thankful you found me. I really enjoy our talks here.

      I am glad I warned you. I had a feeling I had better - but as I expected you are very open-minded - and also very honest with me. I appreciate your honesty. I really do.
      And of course you are right. Michael was a man and a human being like the rest of us...
      Which is why I can't deny him a full life, if you know what I mean - but I can do it respectfully.
      It is my hope that when you have finished Encounter Eight - and by all means do take your time - you will find that the intimacy was there for a reason, but also that the story was not about the intimacy, but rather about all the other things that can happen between two human beings when they have a chance encounter and the circumstances of their lives drive them to open up to one another although they are perfect strangers.

      Here is the link:

      With love - as always


    29. Good Morning E...

      Thank you for the link. I feel like a little girl at Christmas:) I have just begun to read Encounters eight, but I have to be careful and discipline myself. Why? Because I just want to keep going once I start...your gift is SO amazing... and I have to make myself slow down, or tell myself I can only read so far each time, so I can savor it:) I am at the part where he welcomes her into his room and wants her to sit down, and she is afraid of his intentions, but he isn't even thinking that direction, his only concern is that she is okay. His kindness is shining through that precious heart of his, and you know what? It is a precious gift to be allowed into Michael's mind and heart. I don't know how you do it, but you take me there. His kindness melts my heart and confirms the man I have learned that he is. I feel my heart starting to ache as I read about the gal in your story. I, too, lost my Mom when she was only 49 years old to colon cancer. I watched her suffer with relentless pain and she fought a valiant fight before sucumbing to the disease. I was 24 when I lost her, and we were very close. My dad and I were NOT, and he got lost in the shuffle of life when he lost her. Instead of being my dad, our roles were reversed and I was taking care of him, and I needed my dad to be my dad...not my child. I can feel her heart as I am reading because I have been in that place. You have made me aware...without knowing it... of the hurts still lingering in my heart that need to be addressed so they can heal. Michael's love heals. I really believe that. I also believe that God touched that dear man with His love, and placed such an awesome gift upon his life, and showed him how to use it to bring more love into the world...knowing all along how he would use it, and that He could trust him to cherish that gift. Soon...others would cherish that gift as well. You don't have to agree with me...that's okay...but I see God in Michael...that's why he is so dear to me...and Michael saw the face of God in children...that's why he loved them so much. Just my opinion...and I pray that I don't offend you,my friend, by sharing it with you. I read just the other day where it was said that the reason children love Michael so much...and a person can clearly see how they are drawn to him... is because they see him for who he is...not for what he can do. Children are so painfully honest sometimes and they believe wholeheartedly what we tell them...such sweetness and genuine faith. This also describes Michael's heart. He was and is, and always will be a precious man in my eyes, because I see him for who he really is. I didn't always, but then I felt this pull to research his life, after he passed away...because while watching his Memorial on t.v. on July 7th, my eyes were opened the fact that he was not only a famous icon, known around the world, but that he was a human being, and a father with children that he adored and cherished. He was also a son, and a brother, and an Uncle, cousin and someone who had helped so many, while they turned their backs on him and believed horrendous accusations about him. When he needed them the most...where were they? But they stood there THAT day and sang his sad...because he needed their love and support while he was alive. So I am thinking that quite possibly, this precious man, that I have learned so much about and continue to do so, died of a broken heart, and THAT breaks MY heart.

      Better go for now, so have a great weekend and enjoy your family:)



    30. Oh T, I am so sorry to hear that you lost your mother at such a young age. Had I known, I would not have posted the link to this encounter. I sincerely hope I do not cause you too much grief with this, because it is eerily similar to your story.

      Yes, Michael’s love heals. I feel it too and no, I am not offended by your belief that God gave Michael a special gift at all. I too can see that Michael had a special gift. The man was love. Some say he was touched by God, some by an angel’s wing… I just say that he was a man with a pure heart, a man who lived for love and to love, not just his fellow human being, but all living beings and the world we all share.

      Love is the most wonderful and precious thing we have and I know Michael believed in what Jesus taught us. And he did so wholeheartedly. So do I, by the way – in fact, it is the very thing that guides my life even though I am not a practicing Lutheran. So you call it what you like, attribute it to whom you like… I fully accept and understand – and I am definitely open to you having a point. I mean, how am I to rule out anything? Still to me, the main thing is not where the seemingly never ending ability to love against all odds came from, but that it was there, that Michael was the embodiment of love and compassion.

      Michael also had an inherent innocence, which I believe he saw mirrored in the eyes of children. This was part of the attraction and so were Jesus’ words: "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.” I know Michael took these words to heart.
      Sadly – as you point out - Michael also experienced so many disappointments with adults in his life that he found children to be safer to be around…until he learned the hard way that children can be corrupted by their parents. And yes, that did break his strong heart. Not the constant ridicule in the media, not the lack of privacy, not the loneliness but being let down by the children he loved so much.
      The pain must have been crushing.

      Poor man…
      I would give anything to pull him into a gentle hug and tell him that he did everything right.

      Maybe one day…
      Who knows?


      And a very Happy New Year to you and your family!

    31. I truly enjoy talking with you. Because of Michael, we have met and are becoming good friends...sharing our hearts, and the gifts that God has given each of us. I like to hear your point of view. It is refreshing:) You have such a way with words, and such a gift to share your heart. You make my heart smile:)

      Oh no...don't worry about giving me the link. It was meant to be or it would not have happened. Let the healing begin:)

      Yes...Michael was love...and still is. He was just so beautiful. I know that is not a description that would pertain to most men, or what they would want to be known as, but it fits him just right. God's light shone around the man...that is the best way I can explain it. His drummer, Jonathon Moffett, said that when Michael entered the room, the air changed, and the electricity could be felt all around him, and EVERYONE in the room instantly KNEW there was something special about him. Everyone could feel it. You know what? I believe that. Do you know why? Because I can still feel him to this day, and I have never met the man. I can't imagine what it must have been like to actually meet him face to face. His smile and those eyes. Have you ever heard the song, "Jesus in disguise" by Brandon Heath? I think of Michael every time I hear it. Give it a listen for me and tell me what you think. " For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me...I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me." Matthew 25:35,36, 40. You know what else I love about our conversations? The way you talk to me about Jesus. He is my life and the love of my soul. My goal for the New Year is to draw closer to Him. When Michael died and I was led to discover who he really was...revealing the love that sustained and guided him through out his life, God impressed very heavily upon me this truth. He was calling me to a passionate love relationship with Himself, because the answer to Religious complacency isn't working harder at a list of do's and don'ts... it's falling in love with God. I had come to a place in my walk with Him where I was just going through the motions, and He spoke through Michael, to wake me up. I know that probably doesn't make sense to you, because it was hard for me to understand. I grieved for Michael like he was one of my own, and that was the beginning of the connection between the two of us. I connected with Michael on a musical level, he was a songwriter, and so am I, and because of that, I GOT him and I felt like he GOT me. Does that make sense? And that is when the songs started after the other...Amazing songs...from the depths of my soul...a place that I had never wrote from before...songs that made my heart cry out like it has never cried out before. God was invading my "ordinary" life with something "extraordinary". He was coming to my normal with the abnormal. He was creating a scenario that didn't make sense to me, and teaching me the whole time not to ignore Him when He shows up in a way I can't explain...beyond my human understanding. That's what He does best. His ways aren't my ways and His thoughts aren't my thoughts, so He has been teaching me, in the almost 5 years since Michael passed, to look for Him and keep the faith and watch for Him to enter my ordinary with His plan for my life:)

      Better go for now...Take care of yourself, have a good day at work...and enjoy your family:)



    32. Thank you, T, for all of your kind words. And thank you for being willing to take Encounter Eight in stride. I admire your courage to do so.

      Oh absolutely - Michael was beautiful. To merely call him handsome would not do justice to that magical sparkle of love that he had in his eyes - not to mention his smile which makes me feel warm even on a cold winter day.
      Actually, I am not even sure calling him beautiful is enough. :)

      I listened to the song by Brandon Heath - and yes, I can definitely see where you are coming from. (I googled the lyrics as well, just to make sure I got it right.)
      There's another song - and it is a bit more mundane than the one by Brandon Heath - which always makes me think of Michael: Sunny by Boney M (not that I like them, but the lyrics are dead on)

      Sunny, yesterday my life was filled with rain.
      Sunny, you smiled at me and really eased the pain.
      The dark days are gone, and the bright days are here,
      My sunny one shines so sincere.
      Sunny one so true, I love you.

      Sunny, thank you for the sunshine bouquet.
      Sunny, thank you for the love you brought my way.
      You gave to me your all and all.
      Now I feel ten feet tall.
      Sunny one so true, I love you.

      Sunny, thank you for the truth you let me see.
      Sunny, thank you for the facts from a to c.
      My life was torn like a windblown sand,
      And the rock was formed when you held my hand.
      Sunny one so true, I love you.


      Sunny, thank you for the smile upon your face.
      Sunny, thank you for the gleam that shows it's grace.
      You're my spark of nature's fire,
      You're my sweet complete desire.
      Sunny one so true, I love you.

      Sunny, yesterday my life was filled with rain.
      Sunny, you smiled at me and really eased the pain.
      The dark days are gone, and the bright days are here,
      My sunny one shines so sincere.
      Sunny one so true, I love you.

      In regard to where your inspiration comes from, all I can say is that you make perfect sense. You just use different terms than I do, but what I feel is pretty much the same. I was going through the motions too, and then Michael died and...everything changed. I guess I found back to a love within myself that I had thought I had lost - or perhaps never even had. It has become my pillar of strength and a well of inspiration that will never dry out. I know, that what I feel now, I will feel in 30 years too - if I live that long, of course. (I definitely plan to.)

      To blow into, to fill the heart and mind with grace...
      That is what we feel.

      Have a wonderful day, my friend!


  4. Happy New Year, E:) It's a brand new morning of a brand New Year. I wish the best for you and your family. I am so thankful for all that God has blessed me with and I am rich in faith, hope and love... my family, my health, and my friendships:) Excited to see what this New Year holds for all of us:) What are your plans for today? Anything special? My girls just walked in the door after being at a "lock in" all night with our Church Youth Group. They drove to a church about an hour away and several youth groups from several churches sent their youth with their leaders to play games and have snacks, and listen to special speakers and good music. It is a good way to help the teenagers celebrate...knowing they are in a good place, with good people, and not out on the roads. They traveled back home this morning and just walked in about 7:30 this morning. My son, and his little lady, to which he presented a promise ring for Christmas!!!... spent time with her parents last night, so he got in a little after midnight, safe and sound, and my husband surprised me and took me out to supper and we came home and watched a movie. That is what our festivities have consisted of so far. Today we'll be getting caught up on some rest and spending time together:) It is quite chilly here this it where you are?

    Sorry for writing so haven't had a chance to digest what I wrote you before, and here I am writing again. It's just that you are so easy for me to talk I have always known you:) While it is quiet, I am going to read some more of Encounters 8....can't wait:) Haven't read anything that has made me uncomfortable as of yet, but as I promised you, if it does, I will read around that part:) You have my word.

    Better go for now, so take care and as always...enjoy your family:)


    1. Oh my dear friend E...

      I just finished reading your encounters 8, and I it was BEAUTIFUL:) It brought tears to my eyes at some points, as I progressed through the story, and made me smile as sweet, so respectfully written...honoring him with your gift. I believe you have captured his essence, my kind,thoughtful, and caring he was...presenting him as a MAN, yet with the innocence of a child at the same time. I reality...that he could have found the right woman to love, cherish, and spend the rest of his life with...a woman whose love would stand by him, and forever fill his days and nights like he had never known before...a love that would stand the test of time, and hold his heart forever.It would have made such a difference in his life. A basic need for all humans, whether famous or not, is to know that we are loved and to have that special someone to share our hearts with. Do you think that your heart will ever lead you to Michael finding that special someone and getting married? Forgive me for asking...that is for you to know and for me to find out:) Where do we go from here? I am excited to read where you take me next:)

      God Bless you E, and keep writing:)



    2. T, don't apologize! I love the fact that you write so much and so often - and it seems we were both writing at the same time yesterday. :)

      I spent the first day of 2014 relaxing and writing a bit. I am not much of a party animal, so New Year's Eve was pretty quiet for me and my family. Still, I did not go to bed until around 3 am, so I was pretty tired yesterday. (When I do not get my 8 hours of sleep, I have to struggle with fatigue for days afterwards.) Or maybe I am just getting old. :)

      Oh a promise ring!!!
      That is soooo sweet!
      My daughter has her first boyfriend too. He is a really sweet young man, very protective of her, but since she is barely 15, I am a little relieved that he lives more than a two hour drive from here. It helps me keep things under control, so when they want to spend time together we always plan it so that they are not alone. (It is not that I don't trust my daughter, I do, but sometimes it is just better to be safe than sorry. Especially because of her diabetes. Something might happen when they are alone, you know, so I don't want him to be responsible for her. Not when he's only 16.)

      Ah, motherhood... :)
      I am sure you know how it is.

      The weather is unusually warm here. In fact, we have just experienced the second warmest December ever recorded. (We have temperatures just below 10 degrees centigrade around the clock and lots of rain.)
      So far I have not seen a single snowflake this winter. :(

      I am really glad you liked Encounter Eight. I put my heart and soul into it. I wanted so badly to get him right - and do it right.
      Yes, don't we all wish he had had that special someone in his life?
      To know that there was someone who would stand by his side and love him unconditionally no matter what would have happened would made me unspeakably happy. It was what I wanted for him more than anything else. Just to see him happy and loved.
      It was not to be, but at least he got to experience the joy of fatherhood. I am sure Prince, Paris and Blanket made a huge difference in his life. I think he was a good father too.

      Oh, T... I have to giggle.
      The happy story you are looking for has already been written. It is called Stairway to Heaven and Michael is happily married, father of twins...and there is another baby on the way! But since it is a MAMMOTH story - we are talking 150 chapters so far since there is also a sequel called L.O.V.E. Lives Forever - I am not sure you want to go there yet.

      But perhaps the second part of Encounter Eight?
      It takes place 28 years after Michael first met the girl at the hotel.
      Yes, they meet again. :)
      There's a bit of intimacy in this one as well - and obviously it is a bit different because they are older and more experienced - but I have not gone overboard here either. It is not important to the story either, so it can easily be skipped.

      It is up to you, my friend.



    3. Hi E...

      I applaud your morals,and stand with you on "Motherhood".In today's world, not too many parents care about where their kids are, what they're doing, or who they are with anymore. Sadly, I think you and I are becoming a minority when it comes to that. Michael sings a song called, "Do you know where your children are." Have you heard it? If not, look it up and give it a listen.It has a fervent message about what can happen when we don't know where they are. Sometimes my kids don't like it when my husband and I ask them questions, but I tell them to be thankful they have a Mom and Dad who loves them and want to be a part of their lives. There are so many kids who don't have that love in their lives.
      My son just turned 20 and he and his little lady have been going together for 3 years today, so him presenting her with a promise ring, was more of a pre-engagement for the two of them. She is studying to be an elementary teacher and has at least 4 more years of college. My son will earn his degree in electronics in May, and then he can go many different directions with that degree, so the two of them are promising themselves to each other until her schooling is finished, and they feel they are ready for a more serious commitment. I totally expect that they will be married some day. She is 18 years old, and we just love her... as if she was one of our own. She has good values and God is very important in her life, and we are thankful that the Lord brought her into our Son's life...and ours'. Our families get along very well, which is a blessing, too. They are cute though, because my son stands 6'4 and she stands just 5'0. ! My son has had some exciting job offers already in the field for which he is studying, so their futures are looking bright:) I am thankful for every time he comes home because I know that some day soon, he will get a job that may take him away. My oldest daughter is also graduating high school in May, so it will be a tough day on our hearts. I have raised them for this, and now it is time for them to spread their wings and fly and follow their dreams, but it doesn't make it any easier to watch them go. My daughter is going to college for intercultural studies. She is interested in working with people, and helping them and mission type work. We are just trying to impress upon her to make sure this is something she can make a living at, because she will be going to college for 4 years. She has recently received her acceptance letters and she is very excited about her future:)

      Michael is happily married, father of twins, and another baby on the way??? Well someone has been busy, haven't they:) I had no idea you had already wrote THAT story. I would LOVE to read it sometime, but I will accept your suggestion of the second part of Encounter Eight first, please:) I like the way you have navigated around the intimacy..being a part of their encounter yet not being the center of attention, as they both face painful issues in their lives. It's like they rescue each other from their loneliness...yes? .My heart just feels for the both of them as they experience feelings that they have never felt before, and deal with what their hearts are going through and their bodies, all at the same time. From the interviews that I have seen, he is very shy about talking about these things and "dances" around the subject....well...I mean....what else would he do but dance:)...and it is so clear that he takes that "union", and what he feels in his heart, very serious.

      Guess I better go for now, so you have a wonderful weekend with your family:)



    4. T, I am sorry it took so long for me to get back to you. It has been a busy weekend and last night my daughter's diabetes decided to act up, so I've had to concentrate on her first. I am sure you will forgive me for that. :)

      Yes, I know Michael's song "Do You Know Where Your Children Are?". And all I can say is that it is a parent's job to know where they are. I do not mean to deprive them of their freedom or the opportunity to figure out how things work for themselves - it is these experiences that will help them later on in their lives - but I mean to always be there and be ready to step in IF you sense that they might soon be in over their heads - for they will. It cannot be any other way. Teenagers do not think of the consequences first. But you know... Life is a learning process and as parents we have to assist them to the best of our abilities.

      My daughter still has a year and a half left before she can move on to high school or whatever she might decide to do. Right now it looks as if she might pursue a career as animator or web integrator, but we'll see. Kids her age often change their mind. :)
      But she sure is very talented at drawing things and she loves it too, so maybe she will stick to her plan.

      Exactly - Michael and the nameless girl rescue each other from loneliness. And they both get to see a glimpse of what life and love should be all about - something that will play a major role in both of their lives albeit in different ways...
      Oh, what am I doing? I am giving away what is going to happen next!
      You'd better read it yourself.
      And please, do cover your eyes if you feel like it. The next part of Encounter Eight works perfectly fine without the... You know what.

      Here's the link:

      I hope you'll like it.



    5. Don't you give it a second thought. Your place is with your family...especially when your daughter needs you:) I enjoy hearing from you...whenever you can find the time:) I hope she is feeling better:) Our children are at the very heart of us, so when they hurt...we hurt.

      Your daughter draws too? My oldest daughter loves to draw and she is taking classes for commercial art right now. Both of my daughters enjoy drawing, yet their talents are not alike, but unique.'s are the Author and who knows your story better than you:) You aren't giving it away, but you have my attention:) So you think I may want to cover my eyes? I promise that I will if I need to:) I consider your writing an extension of your heart...a beautiful
      place that your heart takes you...where Michael meets you face to face...and that meeting shines through you and reaches out to others who Can't wait to read it:)

      We had blizzard conditions here yesterday. We received about a foot of snow, with winds that were unbeliveable. Today the sun is shining but we are snowed in. My husband and I farm, and it is very difficult trying to get to our cattle to feed them and make sure they have water. There are places where we can't even reach them with our tractor. The temperatures are below zero and we are under warnings to stay inside if we absolutely don't have to get out for fear of frostbite. We are so blessed to still have our power. We thought sure that the power lines would snap through the severity of the storm. It is a treasured luxury. Thanking God for His goodness in watching over us all, keeping us through the storm. Will probably be a couple days until life resumes as normal. The schools have all canceled classes until they can get the roads open. I am so glad to be able to visit with you today, because without power, I would not have that gift.

      Hope you have a good week, and that your family stays well. You will be in my prayers.I will be enjoying your story. Oh...don't worry...if it's about Michael...I will like it:)

      God bless and keep you in His love and tender care always:)



    6. Hi T,
      I hope you still have power and can keep warm. Your extreme weather has made it into the news in my country as well. The pictures are unbelievable... We never experience temperatures that low in Denmark thanks to the effects of the Gulf Stream. Winters can be cold, yes, but not the kind of cold you are experiencing at the moment. Right now the weather in Denmark is more like autumn - wet, gray and with temperatures around 10 degrees centigrade. The grass is still growing and last weekend I found a fresh rose bud in my garden.

      I really hope your cattle is okay. How do they manage in temperatures that low? Can they seek shelter somewhere?

      Speaking of cattle...
      You got me curious. :)
      You see, in Denmark a good steak is hard to get by - at least the tender, juicy, tasty ones.
      But whenever I buy US meat (and I do that a lot), I am in heaven. What do you do to produce such great meat? Do you have different cattle races than the ones we have in Europe or is it what you feed them?
      Yeah, I know, the questions are hopeless, since you may not know enough about what we do here to tell me what you do differently. But T... No matter what - I love your steaks. :)

      And another question... Something that has made me wonder for years...
      With the weather you have - why are your power lines not in the ground? They are in Denmark and consequently we never have power outages because of severe weather.
      I am thinking that since the US is much larger than Denmark, it may have something to do with economy? But maybe there are other factors as well?
      T, I am sorry, I am so curious - but seriously, it has bothered me for years. :)
      Bear with me...

      Stay warm and safe.

      Your curious - and steak eating - friend


    7. We have kept our power and the road crews are struggling to get the roads open so life can resume. They have even gotten stuck in huge drifts with their plows on the front of their trucks, and some have had accidents. One ended up in the ditch on it's side, and is still there because they can't get to it to pull it out. Our kids have been off school for three days now due to the icey, snow packed roads. My husband was finally able to make it to our other farm yesterday with his tractor to get to our cattle and get them fed and break open the ice covered ponds so they can get fresh water. It can be dangerous and I am always relieved when he gets back home safe and sound. He said the drifts are unbelievable. In answer to your question...we have a building where the cattle can go in and get out of the weather, and they use it whenever they need to. The storm has created such a hardship in getting around to get anywhere.

      Steaks? Well...I really don't know why our's would taste better than your's.Let's see... We feed our's ground corn and clover and alfalfa hay. It could be the type of cattle they are... I don't know to tell you the truth, but I am glad you enjoy them:)

      About power lines....your's are all underground? Never thought about that...hmmmmm...good question. I just asked my son about that one, and he said we are always upgrading with fiber optics so to maintain that would make it very difficult if all our lines were under the ground...and are probably right...economics enters into the picture in a big way, I am sure.

      Don't be sorry for being curious. I LOVE it...keep it coming. You know...I like your questions, because they open my eyes to what is going on in the rest of the world. Sometimes it gets pretty comfy here on the farm...nestled back in the woods. It is our own little paradise and we love it here...but you open my eyes to the rest of the world...thank you for that:) I just love talking to you:)

      I wish I could have known Michael when he was still here with us. He was so lonely and people were always taking him for granted and using him for a cash machine...never really getting know him...REALLY know him. I often think about having him come here and our home being his refuge...his get away...his escape...just to let down, talk, laugh, cry, sing, whatever his little heart desired...going for long walks into the sunset...I say that because I LOVE sunsets, and I am totally a sunset person. When I walk ...looking into the sunset... I feel so close to God...communing with Him in His creation. It just grabs my heart. I also love to walk after dusk when the stars first come out and the moon is just coming up. Oh my goodness...there is nothing like the awesomeness that comes from that moment of looking up and seeing what God has created. It is one of my favorite activities...anyway...I was talking about Michael coming here, and me showing him all the things that I love here, and sharing it with him. I can't help but think he would love it, and that it would help to nourish his soul. I know it does mine:)

      Guess I better go think about fixing some breakfast. My bunch is starting to get up one by one:) Who knows how many more days they will have off of school.

      Take care, have a lovely day, and enjoy your family:)


    8. Hello T,
      I am glad you are all safe and warm – and your cattle too. Even though they can seek shelter, it must still be tough conditions for them.

      The other day my husband said he had heard somewhere that you feed your cattle ground corn – and it turned out he was right. Now, I am not the one to say if this is the whole explanation – it probably is not – but I do know that ground corn is not the most common thing Danish farmers feed their cattle. In fact, I believe that just ten years ago it was highly unusual, but we have started to grow corn in Denmark as well, so I guess more and more farmers will turn to it in the future. It is not going to change my habits though – I am going to stick to US meat whenever I can. :)

      (Did you know that the Danes eat a lot of meat compared to other nationalities? I guess we were never really able to shake our Viking ways.)

      The power cables…
      We have all cables in the ground all over Denmark (power, fiber optics…everything) except for a few rural areas, where it would simply be too costly to make the transmission from air to ground since only very few people live there. Our cross-country high voltage cables are not in the ground either. That said, our national power company is currently working on removing 65 huge pylons carrying the high voltage cables that pass right though my city and then across a narrow strait of water to mainland Denmark. (I live on an island.) The cables will then be laid as ground and sea cable…because it is prettier. Yes, you heard me right. It costs the equivalent of 70 million dollars, so it is more than a million per pylon. Pretty crazy actually… But the pylons are such an eyesore…
      You can see what they look like in this video clip:
      And in this article too:
      I know they are both in Danish, but the pictures do not need translation.

      I don’t think we would be able to afford it if Denmark was as big as the US though – plus you have large areas where hardly anyone lives, so I guess it would be crazy to spend money on removing eyesores where there is no one to sees them. (Simply put, but I am sure you get the point.)
      The funny thing is that we put up huge (and I mean huge) wind mills instead. They are ugly too and can be highly disturbing if you live close to one, but apparently that does not matter at all. Denmark is a very eco-friendly nation – bordering on eco-obsessive – which is great, but still, there is no need to put those tall mills on land when we have huge areas at sea that are perfect for them.

      Alright… Enough of all this serious talk…
      T, I am going to be off-line for a few days, so if you do not hear from me, don’t worry. I am going to spend the next couple of days with my family at a tropical water park, having fun and celebrating my daughter’s 15th birthday.


    9. You speak Danish and English? I took a little bit of French in High School but don't remember too much of it. I tease my kids with it sometimes. They think it is cool.

      Thanks for the video clip and article. Neat to see some footage of where you live, and once realize the differences between our two countries...yet, here we are, two friends brought together by the Internet and we don't even have to step out of our home to do it. That's really amazing when you think about it:) I am glad to welcome you into my home, my friend:) Would you like a cup of coffee?:) I am the only one who drinks it in my family. I don't go overboard on it...just a couple cups in the morning and maybe one later on in the afternoon if I am cold or feel like I need a pick-me-up.

      So maybe it IS the corn that makes our steaks taste different:) No I didn't know that Danes eat a lot of meat. My husband loves meat with every meal. It is how he was raised. His folks raised cattle and hogs so they always had plenty of their own meat, and that makes a difference. I was not raised on a farm, and lived in town and we bought meat at the store, and at times it was expensive, so we had to watch for sales. My Mom was a good cook, and she could make a casserole out of what seemed to be not much at all, but they were GOOD:) I guess that is why I like them so much today. I don't need to eat meat at every meal, but my hubby likes it, so that it what we do. I will fix him eggs and some kind of breakfast meat...ham, sausage, or bacon, and toast and milk every morning for him, and then we just have a sandwich, or some kind of soup, or left overs from supper the night before for lunch, and then I will fix a bigger supper, unless we are busy with church or school and don't have time for a big meal. Then we will just have a hamburger and chips and fruit...something like that, cause I can't be two places at the same time:)

      No way...your daughter is going to be 15, too??? My youngest daughter just turned 15 in December. If you would like, wish her a Happy Birthday for me. I have told my kids about you and they think it is neat that I have a friend from Denmark. My husband, I have not...well...let me see if I can explain that...He is very uncomfortable with the Internet, and cautious of it, which I can understand. He and I don't see eye to eye on "Michael" either...he just doesn't get him... so he wouldn't share my enthusiasm of finding you. I admire Michael's talent from afar, but I am so thrilled to have found you to share that joy with:) I enjoy learning new things, so having the Internet and having it open a whole new world up to me, is exciting. Now I know that there are things that are not so good, so I have learned to be cautious as well, but for the most part, it is amazing what technology can do, and when it is used for good, that is a very good thing:)

      I am assuming that since you are going to a tropical water park in December, that 10 degrees centigrade must be pretty warm. I will have to look up the difference between your centigrade and our fahrenheit.

      They canceled school again today due to the condition of the roads...this is day 4,and we are starting to get cabin fever...which means we are anxious to be able to get out and go again, and having been together, after Christmas break, for so many days, is trying on any relationship...even though we love each other a lot:)

      Have a wonderful time with your, laugh and love:)

      Gonna read a little bit of your Encounter when I can. Hard to get a few minutes to myself right now:) So far I find it hard to stop once I get started, but I will try to hold back and savor it:)



    10. Hi T,

      Danish is my native tongue. All the other languages come with the territory so to speak... Denmark is a small country both geographically and languagewise, so we are taught several foreign languages in school, including English, German and French. We are also expected to understand Swedish and Norwegian since these languages do not differ much from Danish. Some schools teach Spanish and Chinese as well.
      On top of what I was taught in school, I have earned two master degrees in college - one in English and one in Chinese. So I am quite international.

      I love coffee!
      In fact, Danes in general are coffee-drinkers so you would fit right in here. :)

      Ah husbands...
      Mine do not get my love for Michael either. Yes, he loves Michael's music and often watches Michael's videos with me, but when I start talking about what Michael was like, what he stood for other than his music, he is completely disinterested. He simply could not care less. He might even think I am a bit nuts. :)
      Sometimes it annoys me that he feels that way, but most of the time I just shrug and think "he does not know what he is missing."

      The water park is not outside - it is inside a huge dome. And ten degrees centigrade is COOOOOOLD when you're wearing a bathing suit, trust me. Fun aside - the Danish weather is far from tropical, so outside water parks are no good here. This is where I went:
      As you can see there are lots of other fun things to do there.

      I hope the weather has cleared up where you are. We had the first snow of the winter this morning, but it is all gone again. Not that I am complaining... I do not particularly like snow.

      Okay - I have got to go! It is time for dinner.

      Talk to you soon!



  5. Good Morning E...

    Glad you had a good time. Thank you for the clip. I found it to be very interesting:) I also Googled 10 degrees centigrade compared to our fahrenheit and it said that it would be around 50 degrees here. I see why it would be chilly when you are wearing a bathing suit:)

    The weather has cleared and our roads are now dry, but we still do have a bit of snow on the ground yet. It has been in the 30's and today will be in the 40's (fahrenheit), so maybe some more of it will melt.

    My kids went back to school yesterday. I love them with all my heart, but I was ready for some alone know what I mean? Aside from the things that HAD to be done, I took the day off and just enjoyed doing the things I love to do. My husband bought me a new keyboard for Christmas...just shocked me SO much that I stood and cried when he had me open my eyes.My other one no longer would allow me to record my songs that I write, and he wanted me to continue on with my songwriting and being able to document them. What a lovely gesture of love and support from the love of my life:) Anyway, I played my keyboard and I am still learning all about what it will do. The other thing I love to do is research Michael. Over here they call it "Michaeling", so I did that for quite a while. It seemed that one thing lead me to another, and I learned something new about him...almost like he was guiding me...through tears streaming down my face. He is just SO precious to me...and I am so happy to be able to share that with you, because you understand this, when it doesn't make sense to anyone else. To know that you can identify with me when he touches my heart and that love floods my entire being...right to the core of who I am, is a priceless gift to me. I happened upon a interview with June Gatlin yesterday. I don't know if you know about her, or what you think of her...that type of thing is all new to me, but she was talking about the morning that Michael passed and God had warned her the night before that she needed to get to him before 7a the next morning. She had fallen asleep on her couch and when she woke it was 10:30 the morning of June 25th, and she said she experienced this heaviness on her, like something was weighing her down, and she couldn't function and she was so confused as to what it was. And then it was revealed to her that she was feeling Michael as he was drugged with the Propofol and then she felt him slip away, and at this point, she broke down as just sobbed from her heart...and it broke mine, because I can understand that. There are days when I feel such a heaviness concerning him, and days I feel such a JOY. And I have come to realize that I am being allowed to FEEL his heart, and it is the most lonely feeling I have ever experienced. I can't imagine living life that way, and it must have been the hand of God that kept this precious man from going under and losing the will to live. I want to talk with you more about this, but I have to leave now, so I will talk with you some more as I am able.

    Thanking God for you my friend, and for the fact that God brought you into my life, so I don't feel so all alone when it comes to Michael, because someone does UNDERSTAND.



    1. Hello T,

      I am glad the weather has cleared.
      And yes, I know the feeling. As much as we love our kids, sometimes it is nice to have the house to ourselves and just sit down for a Little while...and exhale. :)

      A keyboard, huh?
      That's a really nice gift - and one given from the heart, I am sure. It is wonderful that he supports you like this.

      Ah yes, Michaeling...
      I know that term - and it is something I do a lot too, sometimes even when I am not supposed to be doing it. (like at work - but if my boss is being hopeless, just 5 minutes with Michael turn chaos into order.) You know that I write, but I also like to make graphic representations of his songs, or do some nice photoshops. (I work as an art director, so I do these things professionally as well.) I should show you a couple of examples...

      Here's Michael photoshopped from an LA Gear add into a Neverland setting:

      Graphic work inspired by In The Closet:

      Imaginary front page...

      I've done a lot of this stuff...
      I can't help this either. I just have to.

      I have never heard of June Gatlin, but her story is definitely interesting. I will see if I can find the interview somewhere and then get back to you so we can discuss it on more "equal terms."

      Hey - don't forget to thank Michael too. If it was not for him you and I would not be talking. :)



    2. Hi E...

      I love your artwork... you are very talented, my friend:) Thank you for sharing with me.

      I completely understand when you say that spending time with Michael turns chaos into order...but then again...what else would we expect from him? He asks us to believe in ourselves and to never give up on our dreams, no matter what, and to not let negative things deter us from what we know we are put here to do. Have you heard his song, "Keep the Faith?" I love this song...the message is so clear and to the point and when I am discouraged I can feel him gently chiding me..."pick yourself up girl, and get on with it"...speaking the truth in love...that's my Michael:)

      June Gatlin, or I should say Rev. June Gatlin, was Michael's spiritual adviser. I found a documentary about her life yesterday, and I didn't get to watch the whole thing, but it seems that God has revealed things to her from the time she was a little child, and that she had the gift of healing.It intrigued me... Especially since she talked with Michael on a personal level. Michael wrote in her book, that she was a gift from was he:) are right...if it weren't for Michael's love, I would not have been guided to you, and we would not be talking to each other heart to heart, like the friends we have become. Sometimes I am afraid that I burden you too much with Michael. It's just that when It comes to him, I am so thrilled to have found a friend who loves his heart as I do. That is a gift...that is not a coincidence.

      I probably won't be able to send all of this...many times it tells me that I have written too much, so I have to edit, which makes me sad, because I have written to you from my heart, and how do I choose what to send to you, and what not to send, and what gets lost in the shuffle? I don't know how to make it into separate comments without loosing what I wrote...could you help me with that one? I am not technically inclined.

      Better go for now...I have kept you long enough. Haven't had much time to read lately, but will try to sneak in a little bit of your story as soon as I can. Loving it so far:)



    3. Have I heard the song "Keep the Faith?"
      Of course I have! It is one of my favorite songs on the album. I find both the song and the lyrics highly uplifting and inspirational. Sometimes I get goosebums when listening to it... That is the effect it has on me.

      Oh, she was his spiritual adviser... I definitely need to check her out. I have not got around to it yet, since my daughter's boyfriend is staying with us this weekend so I do not have time to do much Michaeling, but hopefully next week...

      If you write too much, just break you message up in two. I recommend that you write your message in Word or whatever text program you are using and then copy, paste and post the first part of it the way you always do and then click "reply" to what you have just posted and post the second part. I sometimes have to do that too. First of all because there are limits to how much you can write in each comment, but also because the comment module may "time-out" if you write for too long without clicking publish.

      I hope this made sense. :)
      If not, ask again and I will try to explain in more detail.

      Lots of love


    4. Hi E...

      I haven't forgot is just happening:) We had another bout with snow, and winds gusting up to 45 mph yesterday, causing a white out, and so school got canceled AGAIN. The temps are frigid. Everyone is getting tired of fighting it and ready for Spring! It has been a difficult Winter so far. Haven't had one like this for a while. I guess we were due.

      How is life treating you? Hope all is going well for you and your family...I really do:)

      My oldest daughter will turn 18 on Friday, and we just helped her to get her first car. It is used, but still a nice vehicle, and she just loves it. Her dad and I thought that it would be good for her to take to college with her. She is looking at two Christian colleges. One is in St. Louis, which is just about 70 miles west of us, and the other is in Joplin, Missouri, which is about 7 hours west from us. I know she wants to have the college experience, but if she went to St.Louis, she could have that experience, yet come home if and when she needed to, and we could get to her a lot easier as well:)

      I have been reading your story little by little...haven't had much time to myself lately, so when I do get a few minutes to steal away, I savor it:) I have felt sorry for Michael and could almost feel the panic rise up in him , yet laughed right out loud at times, as you made me smile. I love your sense of humor and the way you navigate the two of them. It must be so much fun sometimes...yet painful at the same time, because he never found that one love that he was dreaming of. Knowing how much he enjoyed reading, I feel that he would be very pleased with what your heart has created. I can't help but think that he would be very proud of you:)

      Well...that's about it for now, I guess. Nothing much more exciting to tell you. So you take care and enjoy your day and your family, because time passes so quickly.



    5. Are you okay? I haven't heard from you. I know that life keeps us busy and we have our families to spend time with and work to do, and life happens, and you by no means have to write to me, but I am praying that you and your family are well.


      Your friend,


    6. Hello T!
      I am fine, don't worry. Everything is just the way it is supposed to be - I have just been absorbed by some graphic work (Michael) and when I tried to respond to you last night, it turned out that Google had some major problems with all of their services so I could not log on to my blogs. But I can now. :)

      So here I am.

      so Winter returned, huh?
      We have not had any here yet, which is just fine by me. I do not like winter at all. Spring is my favorite time of the year. I just love all the flowers and particularly when all the leaves open... Wow... It is like an explosion of color after those long months of just gray and brown. So yeah, I am looking forward to spring too.

      T, I have to be nosy again. Forgive me...
      We do not have Christian schools or colleges in Denmark, so what does it mean to go to a Christian college? How does it differ from going to a non-christian college? Are they teaching different things or teaching things differently - or is it something else?
      I really do not have a clue.
      So... Would you enlighten your Danish friend?

      Yes, there is a lot of humor in the Encouter you are curently reading. I don't know... Michael brings out the humorous side of me. I would so have loved a chance just goof around with him. (I am a big child myself, never stopped playing and acting silly).
      There's a lot of friendly teasing going on between Michael and his wife in the long story (Stairway to Heaven and the sequel L.O.V.E. Lives Forever) too. Lots of humor and sillyness...
      Ah, yes... That wife of his has 80% of my personality so sometimes it feels like I am the one having a friendly banter with him. :)

      I think Michael would have been terribly embarrassed by what I write. He did not feel comfortable being the center of attention like that - but I also think that deep down inside - and after a while - he would feel a little flattered to be the hero of my stories.

      "Oooooh no...Hehehehe..."
      (I can hear him chuckle behind his hand as cast stolen glances up at me through his lashes.)
      "The girl likes me."

      God bless you, Michael.
      You make me smile.

      Back to you T!
      May you and your family have a wonderful weekend and stay warm and safe even if the wind is howling outside!



    7. Hi E...

      Glad everything is okay, and glad to hear from you:)

      I am most happy to "enlighten my Danish friend" and help you to understand what going to a Christian college means:) Sorry...I just take for granted that what we have here, you have there. My daughter will be taking classes in intercultural and interracial studies, because she is interested in helping people and would like to be a missionary... sharing the Love of God with others, and making a difference in their lives... so at a Christian college, they learn some of the same things, as other colleges, but based more on a Biblical standard...following God's word, and learning how to share His Love with others, and apply that knowledge in the field they are interested in. I hope this helps answer your question. Feel free to ask me about anything that you don't understand, and I will do my best to answer your questions.

      You think he would have been embarrassed by what you write? I think he would have been thrilled to know that he inspired you to use your God given talent, and spread your wings and fly:)

      I finished your story, and I laughed and I cried, and I GULPED at some points, and I know you understand what I mean:) Made my heart skip a beat a time or two...but as I said before, he was a man and we don't always think of him in that way, but he was. He had desires and feelings just like any other man.May I ask where we go from here? Forgive me for bothering you. I love your stories, and the detail that you pay such close attention to:)

      Better go for now...will talk more soon....



  6. Hello T,
    Winter has finally come to Denmark. We got our first snow last night and this morning, but it is nothing compared to what you are faced with. I still got on my bike and rode the 7k to work. :)

    Thank you for explaining what a Christian college is. I am still struggling a bit to figure out where science ends and religion starts, but that is okay. I understand what she wants to do with her life, and why, so in that context everything makes perfect sense.
    It is important for young people to have a “calling” – whether it be of religious nature or not. Having no purpose in life is not good for anyone, but I can tell your daughter knows exactly what she wants. Good!
    But tell me – if she wants to work as a missionary, would that mean that she can be sent anywhere in the world? And who would she typically be working for - the church or an organization? And would it be something she could do for the rest of her life or only for a limited period of time?
    T, as a non-practicing Lutheran I am on uncharted territory here. I need a little help to find my way. And you said I could ask. :)

    I still think Michael would have been embarrassed. Perhaps even horrified – especially when I…uh…speak of him as a man. :)
    But he was a man. We both agree on that. Still, it is not the thing that interests me the most – I want the full picture, everything that he was. A puzzle is not worth looking at if pieces are missing and I feel the same way about Michael. I do not want to amputate him. I couldn’t. He was not allowed to have a full life in real life, so who am I to deny his imaginary counterpart what he did not have?

    So, you made it though Encounter Eight and now you are asking me what’s next…
    The truth is that there are no more Encounters for you to read – at least not some that I like enough to share with you. I have an idea for Encounter 9, but I need to nurse it for some time before it can grow into something that will be worth putting down on paper.
    So, you have two options:
    1. You wait patiently.
    2. Or you take a deep breath and dive into my main story Stairway To Heaven.

    Let me tell you how the Stairway got started:
    The first few pages of what was to become the Stairway To Heaven was born shortly after August 29th, 1997, where I was among the fortunate 50.000, who got to sing Happy Birthday to Michael at his HIStory Tour concert in Copenhagen, Denmark.
    Yes, T, I was there. And I saw him – from way back in the stadium - but I saw him.
    I cannot remember why I stopped writing and let the story fade away into oblivion. I cannot remember why I kept the handwritten papers either.
    Perhaps it was out of sentimentality. However, I do remember the day thirteen years after the concert when I rediscovered the moldy papers among college old books. Good grief, T... I quickly put them away again, embarrassed to find that I had written something like that, but on a sleepless night a few days later, my mind started drifting and all of a sudden the ideas just kept on coming.
    Consequently, I picked up the papers again, thinking it could be fun to just add a few more pages...
    Yeah, sure...
    I am still writing, so it is going to be a mammoth task for you to make it through all of it – and I have to say that the first 10 chapters are not of my usual standard, since I had not written anything for a long time when I started out on this adventure.
    I am like an old machine. It works best when the oil is warm.

    It is up to you.

    I don’t mind feeding you one chapter at a time. This will enable me to keep the few naughty ones from you to, you see. As always they are not important to the overall story – and besides I must admit that I was not good at writing intimate stuff 4 years ago, so I am not proud of those chapters. Putting intimacy to words is complicated, something that needs a lot of practice to get it right. Just like the real deal, I guess. :)

    As I said… It is up to you.



  7. Hi E...

    It's good to hear from you:)

    Yes...I assume my daughter could go anywhere in the world where God leads her to go. I think the college may be able to help in placing her and they may receive resumes that make them aware of what organizations need her to come help.As far as how long she would do this...I would say that as long as she feels God's calling on her life to go, than I believe He will open the doors and guide her to where she needs to be. She is looking at 4 years to learn what she needs to know. As far as science ending and God beginning... I have never known anything different than God being present in the world that He created.I see Him all around me. He holds us together...literally. I would like for you, when you have some time to yourself, to Google this: Louie Giglio-laminin(short version). It is a clip that brings science and God together, and I would really encourage you to watch it. What is revealed here, is absolutely amazing. Please forgive me if you feel that I overstepping my boundaries here, but this is just something I have to share with you, even though I risk offending you.

    I like the idea of one chapter at a time, if you don't mind. Then you can navigate me through the parts that make you uneasy, okay? Thanks so much.:)

    I guess that's about all for now. I look forward to talking with you, and still have a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that I have a friend from Denmark...all because of Michael:) God bless and I will talk with you later on this week.



    1. Oh T, don't worry, I am not easily offended. It takes a whole lot more than this, trust me - and a different subject too. Yes, we definitely percieve the world around us very differently and yet the two of us talk freely and without prejudice. That's pretty good, isn't it? Michael would be proud of us and to me, the most beautiful thing is to love and respect other people despite our differences.

      I watched what he had to say about laminin and you know what?
      (Sorry, I am going to go philosophical on you now.)
      In science as well as religion it all comes down to what you believe. There are no differences. You weigh the facts/proof (scientific results or the words of the bible) and then decide what you believe. Believe... You know you will never see or understand the full picture so you go with what you believe because it helps you fill out the blanks, so to speak.
      You are on God's side, I am on science's side - but I am sure we can both agree that none of us can monopolize the TRUTH. I mean, what is the truth after all? I know I like to leave doors open, just in case...

      Anyway, what does set us apart is the fact that you believe in purpose, I believe in coincidence. You ask why, I accept things as a fact.
      Does it matter?
      Not at all.
      What matters is that we ARE and that we try to be as good as we can be and make the most of it while we can. To me, it is not what we believe, but what we DO with what we believe.

      I am rambling. Tsk, tsk, tsk... Hey! It was you! You got me started. :)
      Just kidding T... I actually like discussing these things. Seriously, I think it is interesting.
      I am by no means scared of religious talks even though I have put my money somewhere else, so to speak. I hope you can see that too. :)

      What a pity we cannot meet and talk over a cup of coffee...

      So, you want to start on the big adventure. Oh dear...
      It is going to be a long journey, my friend.

      Here's the first chapter:



  8. Hi E...

    Having trouble getting through...keeps freezing. It concerns me that we are maybe overloading the system, or maybe it is just on my end...I don't know. Now it just let me type pretty good and then I have to wait for it to catch up. Frustrating:(

    Yes...I would love to sit down and chat over a cup of coffee, but I guess we will have to settle for this, and I am very grateful that we have this way to share our hearts.

    You are is what we do with what we believe that really matters...I respect you and you respect me, and a new friendship has come from the fact that we both believe in Michael and what he stood for.That is very cool. "Come together right now...over me." Do you think that he already knew, even before we did, that he would bring us together?Just a thought, and it gives me goosebumps just to think about it.

    I have just started to read your story. Do you know what happens when I start? I can't take my eyes off of it. Have to discipline myself...Savor:)

    I will get this much sent to you while it lets me. Right now it is working perfectly normal. Do you ever have this problem?

    Take care....and as's really good to hear from you , my friend:)



    1. Hi T,

      I don't have problems with the blog freezing, but I have a very good internet connection too, so maybe I just have not got to the point where our many comments on this post start to be a problem. There are a LOT of comments too...
      So here's what we do: If you continue having problems, we relocate to another post. I will leave it up to you to pick which. Just leave a comment and I will be there. :)

      I think Michael knew he brought together people from all over the world. I think it is one of the things that drove him to continue too. He knew it was important. Well, more than that - bringing people together is the prerequisite for people talking to one another, finding solutions to our differences, common ground, hope and peace.
      Michael had a talent for this that is very rare. Only very few people in the history of man have had the ability to unite people of different beliefs, races, nationalities, gender and ages to make us speak with one voice, to make us strive for one common goal...
      The most amazing thing is that even though he has left us we still continue doing it - and more and more people join in. Wow... Maybe there really will be a change on day.

      Ah t, I am not happy with the first chapters of that story. Not at all... I just read a couple of them the other day and... I was cringing inside. But they will get better. I promise. I will get MIchael on the right track too, because honestly he was a little "off" in the beginning... It was as if he wouldn't let me in, but then one day I got though his defences and found "the real Michael."

      I am sure that you will see what I mean. :)

      Take care too, my friend - and remember winter is almost over. Soon the snow will melt and the flowers will start to blossom...
      We can do anything as long as the sun shines.



  9. Hi E...

    Good to hear from you, as always:) Do YOU think we should go ahead and relocate? I know that there are so many comments here. This is your website and I don't want to cause you any grief. I guess we have had the privilege of having this one all to ourselves so far, which is kind of nice, and I am thankful for that, since we have shared so much of our hearts here, and have in common a mutual respect for Michael, his message, and his heart.

    I like how you said this..."It was as if he wouldn't let me in, but then one day I got through his defenses and found "the real Michael." Maybe he was so used to putting up a shield to protect himself and his heart, and when he discovered that you genuinely cared about him and respected him for who he was and not for what he could do, THAT melted down his defenses when he saw the real you:) I think you are too hard on yourself. I think it is the sign of a good author who can make me feel so many emotions while reading what you have created...while Michael is guiding you...whispering to your heart. Thank you for sharing your heart with me:)

    We are supposed to get hit with another snow storm. I guess by now, we should be used to least growing more accustomed to Winter. This has been a difficult one with all the snow and ice and cold temperatures. We will certainly appreciate Spring when it comes:)

    Take care and I will talk with you again...

    God bless and keep you in His love and care,



    1. Hi T,
      I don’t care if we relocate. It is fine with me - as is staying where we are. I just want to make sure that you don’t have any problems posting comments. However, if we do decide to relocate there are plenty of posts that have little or no comments. So if we want peace and quiet there are lots of options.
      I’d be happy to find a peaceful post, if you want me to.

      In real life Michael definitely held up a protective shield in front of him. (The sunglasses are part of that shield.) I think it was necessary too. He had to keep a bit of himself private if he did not want to lose himself in the churning media machinery, which - I guess - was the reason why I was missing bits and pieces when I started writing. I just could not find the real Michael. I probably still haven’t, but at least I have created a Michael that my readers can believe in.

      Thank you for being so kind when it comes to my writing. Maybe I am too hard on myself from your perspective, but Danes are modest people. Too modest perhaps… I don’t know. It is part of who we are. Our culture…
      Maybe it has something to do with the fact that Denmark is a small country. There is no room for our egos to grow.

      Ugh! Another snow storm?!
      Good grief! Did any of the snow you got last time even get a chance to melt?

      The snow we got last week is already gone. (Sorry!)



  10. Hi E...

    If you want to find a "peaceful post", that would be fine. Just let me know:)

    The snow came, but it wasn't as bad as last time. However; the school cancelled classes due to the road conditions, and extreme cold. It was below zero for a couple days and that would makes the fuel in the buses gel up so they can't run. We live 6 miles out of town, so the roads out here can get pretty icey and snow packed. We just keep thinking that we are one day closer to SPRING:)

    My husband and I just celebrated our 23rd wedding anniversary yesterday:) All our kids are home and we are enjoying our time together. My son is 20, and my daughters are 18 and 15. When we got married, we eloped to our own little country church, and no one but the minister, and the dear friends standing up with us knew about it:) THAT was a major accomplishment in this little farming community, where everybody knows everybody:) We were 27 when we got married...and I was 30 when I had my first child. We got a late start, but that's okay. The life we have was worth the wait:)

    I better go for now and get everybody up so we can get a quick bite to eat and get ready to go to Worship. Just wanted to stop by and say hi.

    Have a great week, and enjoy your family today:) What do you do on Sundays?

    Love ....


    1. Hi T,
      There's not a lot going on in the latest post (the one with the Oprah outtakes) so maybe we can continue talking there?

      My husband and I just celebrated our 12th and a half wedding anniversary - which is a big thing in Denmark since it is half-way to 25 years. So it seems you are in the lead there. :)
      We eloped to a small island for our wedding and apart from the required witness, it was just us and the marriage registrar. We then stayed at a nice hotel for a couple of days afterwards, which would have been really wonderful if I had not had a terrible cold. Sigh... I've always managed to be really "charming" at the most inconvenient times in my life.
      It is my fate, I guess. :)

      What do I do on Sundays?
      Well, first I take care of the laundry and other boring chores and then I usually sit down to write a bit. If the weather is nice we sometimes go for a walk or do a bit of gardening. My Sundays are usually nice and quiet.



  11. Hi E...

    I am finished with chapter one and ready to move on to the next chapter,at your convenience:) Thank you for sharing with me, my talented friend:)



    1. Here you go: